I AM UNWORTHY OF ANY GOOD THING FROM GOD

How can God use someone like me? Sometimes it seems that everything that is in me is opposed to what He wants. Although I want to honor my Savior more than anything else, I find that I am self-centered rather than God-centered. My fleshly nature is a tornado blowing me where it may. It still know up from down, right from left, but I find that I cannot escape from its power.

As a result, I feel unworthy of anything good from Him. I even find it hard to talk to others when I am in the grasp of this tornado. Instead, I want to run and let no one see me.

However, the Lord has taught me some indispensable truths along the way, which enable me to wait for Him to make me a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:12-13). He has taught me that when I regard myself as unworthy of anything good from Him, I am walking in His light. Jesus taught that we should regard ourselves as unworthy, even though it hurts so much:

·       “So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’”  (Luke 17:10; ESV)

This is because we deserve nothing good from him. Surprisingly, knowing this truth is liberating. When the Lord opens my eyes to my utter unworthiness and I feel crushed, I have learned that I do not have to defend myself or make rationalizations for my moral failings. Instead, I have learned to peacefully accept the Lord’s verdict and to await His comfort. In fact, He delights providing for the brokenhearted, those to know that they are not worthy of the slightest good thing from God:

·       The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:18-19; Luke 18:12-14)

This makes me feel grateful towards Him. In contrast, when I thought I was deserving of His blessings, I felt as grateful towards Him as I would a boss who owed me a paycheck. Instead, I’ve come to know that it is all about His desire to bless me:

·       For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23; 11:35)

We also need to bear in mind that this painful experience of our unworthiness is unavoidable. God humbles us so that He can exalt us without it going to our head. (Luke 14:11). Even Paul had to be humbled. God allowed a messenger of Satan to afflict him (2 Corinthians 12:7). However, even before this, God had to show Paul his unworthiness and inability to serve Him:

·       For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. (Romans 7:15-20; Galatians 5:17)

To serve the Lord, Paul had to learn that without Him, he could do nothing (John 15:4-5; 2 Corinthians 3:5). He had to learn that he couldn’t trust in himself (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). It is only through self-despair that we can learn to trust in Him. Besides, it is only when we can embrace the fact that we are helpless that our prayers become passionate cries for help and not burdensome rituals performed out of obligation.

I feel that I have so far yet to go. The power of sin is overwhelming, but it is no match for my Savior. Therefore, when I feel helpless before it, I immediately cry out for His help:

·       Lord, I feel so inadequate and unworthy to serve You. I would be crushed with shame if I wasn’t convinced that You love me, forgive me, and are eternally delighted with me. Instead, You continually set me free from my painful self-obsessions to look confidently to You, my righteousness, my sanctification, and my Life.