I AM AN UNWORTHY PERSON, BUT THAT’S OKAY

Christ calls us to sacrifice what we value for something of far greater value. This especially pertains to what we believe and trust. Paul argued that we cannot place our trust in ourselves. If anyone had reason to trust in themselves – their resume and their accomplishments – it was Paul. He had the best education, lineage, and credentials in terms of his performance of the laws. However, he learned that he would have to put self-trust in his accomplishments aside if he was to trust in what Christ had accomplished:

·       For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh—though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also….But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death… (Philippians 3:3-4, 7-10; ESV)

Naturally, there is nothing that we value more than ourselves – our achievements, esteem, honor, glory, and the self-trust and self-righteousness that comes from these. Even when we do not have the achievements, we find other ways to believe in and exalt ourselves.

I had felt bad about myself and compensated by trying to think good about myself. Lacking the achievements to adequately bolster my failing self-esteem, I thought good things about myself by reminding myself of the attainments of my group. I was a Jew and the Jews, although just a quarter of 1% of the world population, had earned 30% of the Nobel Prizes. This thought, among others, tended to elevate me, even to give me a high.

However, highs can prove costly. In my case, it required me to deny reality – who I really was – and to escape into self-delusion, putting me out-of-step with the rest of the world.

Slowly, I began to see that my Savior was now requiring me to reject this drug of self-righteousness in favor of truth – that He alone was my only righteousness. However, I didn’t see this willingly. Drugs are powerful. They delude us and prevent us from seeing. Instead, the Lord had to burn this addiction out of me, opening my eyes to the truth about myself.

I had deluded myself about so much, convincing myself that He had saved me because I was more deserving than others. Instead, I had to face the fact that, if anything, I was the least deserving (1 Corinthians 1:26-29; 1 Timothy 1:15-17). As a result, He had to show me how undeserving I am. It took years of unimaginable pain and failure.

I am not alone in trying to build self-righteousness, even though it might have come more readily to me. Others come from people-groups that lack the attainments of the Jewish people. I have seen that some Christians, learning that they are one-half or even one-quarter Jewish, trying to rediscover their “Jewishness” to elevate their self-esteem and sense of entitlement.

I would like to relate to them what Paul had learned: “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Phil. 3:8). This doesn’t mean that Paul regarded his education or his law-keeping as meaningless. However, Paul found that trusting in his attainments was in opposition to trusting in Christ. Instead, he had to trust in Christ alone (Psalm 62).

Others, continuing to feel bad in themselves, are trying to redeem the history of their people-group by focusing on their attainments to build self-esteem. However, our esteem must be in Christ alone (Galatians 2:20).

Instead of trying to convince ourselves that we are worthy and deserving of the blessings of God, we must take Jesus’ teaching to heart and regard ourselves as utterly unworthy of anything good that comes from God:

·       “So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’” (Luke 17:10)

Christ alone is worthy:

·       And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption. (1 Corinthians 1:30)

Our lives are about adoring and glorifying Him, as He deserves, and not ourselves. Ironically, this is freeing. When it is all about Christ’s righteousness and not our own, we no longer need to prove ourselves and impress others. We no longer need to convince ourselves that we are worthy of God, when we are not. We no longer need to hide those ugly things about ourselves. Instead, we can laugh about them because they no longer represent our true identity:

·       I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

Consequently, we are a new creation with a new identity, even though we still struggle against the sin embedded in our fleshly nature (Galatians 5:17).

According to Paul, the more we reject self-trust, the more we gain Christ. As I have grown in my estimation of my own unworthiness, the more I have come to appreciate Christ’s worthiness, and the more I adore Him.