OUR DARK SIDE AND WHY WE CANNOT PENETRATE ITS DARKNESS

Jordan Peterson makes the case that we must accept and face our dark side, and I agree. Whatever we manage well, we must first understand, whether it's our car, kitty, or clothing. This also pertains to our lives. We cannot manage our lives effectively until we can observe and understand them. We not only need to know what is healthful to eat but also need to become aware of our reactions. When we are aware of them, we can avoid situations that trigger them and adversely impact others.

However, confronting our dark side requires us to go far deeper. It’s also a matter of engaging our hidden thoughts and motivations, like self-promotion and image management. Not until I became aware of how so much of what I do was about winning the approval of others could I begin do something about it.

However, the dark side contains more than hidden motivations. It also involves our obsessive attempts to hide these motivations, even from ourselves. We, therefore, need to probe the questions, “Why am I obsessively hiding? What is it I refuse to face and why?”  Instead, we have erected defensive barriers that even a cockroach cannot penetrate.

There are many evidences that we strenuously refuse to face the truth about ourselves and why we prefer the cover of darkness to the revealing light of truth. It reminds me of how I look at myself in the mirror. I seek to strike just the right pose with just the right lighting to make me look my best. Here are just a few indications that we are running from the truth:

1.    We can see other’s faults more clearly than our own even though we are even aware of our thoughts.

2.    When we have an altercation, we are convinced that it’s the other’s fault.

3.    We can’t take criticism. However, we if truly practiced self-criticism, we wouldn’t become defensive about someone else’ criticism.

Why do we hide from ourselves? We just can't tolerate the idea that we might not be good, deserving, and worthy people. When we are accused of some wrong-doing, we immediate go on the defensive. If we can't wiggle out of the charge, we try to blame it on someone or something else. Even if someone charges us with merely cutting into the line, we experience the immediate need to justify ourselves. We rarely excuse ourselves by saying, "It just doesn't matter." It is not simply that we have done wrong, but we also feel that we have done wrong. We can't face the fact our righteous facade has been tarnished.

What makes us so defensive about our dark side? When exposed, why can't we simply laugh it off? Powerful feelings like guilt, shame, threat, and unworthiness, surround our dark side rendering it unapproachable.

We want to deny our dark side exists. How? By covering our raw feelings, which tell us that there is something terribly the matter with us, with achievements, power, popularity, appearance, and money in our endless quest to prove ourselves good and worthy! This denial leads us into workaholism, alcoholism, and even friendless-ness. Our façade of worthiness drives others away.

Meanwhile, some go in the other direction and flaunt their unworthiness. Still others resort to masochism to pay the price for their unworthiness through self-harm. As a result, they might temporarily feel more worthy.

I don't think that we can confront our dark side on our own, not fully. We cannot make peace with it any more than with a pride of hungry lions. The hidden side is simply too threatening and destabilizing. We can toy with it and even feel that we have dealt successfully with it, but have we reached its depth?

But isn't it harder to confront the feelings of guilt and shame than to continually bury them? If it was easier, we would have naturally resorted to this strategy. However, there is more at stake.

The reason that we are obsessively trying to prove ourselves is that we know that there is something terribly wrong with us that resists self-modification. Perhaps the masochist can sense this problem most accurately. They punish themselves because they know that they deserve punishment.

Perhaps unconsciously, we all know that we deserve punishment. We chronically fall short of our own moral standards, and the more sensitive among us feel horrible about their failures. Consequently, we strive to compensate for them. We leave generous tips, join volunteer programs, and even allow ourselves to be abused. Meanwhile, our inner script tells us that we deserve it.

The Bible testifies to this truth in many ways.  Jesus claimed that we hide from the light because we cannot tolerate its exposure of our sins, our dark side:

·       And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. (John 3:19-20)

Modern man’s denial of freewill, judgement, culpability, and objective moral values doesn’t work. These changes of worldview are no less superficial than a change in clothing. The problem lies at our inner core. We know that we are guilty and deserve condemnation, and no amount of successes or positive affirmations will change this:

·       Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. (Romans 1:32)

This is ground-zero. We sense that we are under a guilty verdict. Consistently, wherever we look, we find that mankind is still trying to prove their worth and innocence, no matter how successful they have become. Meanwhile, we know that we are sinners who need the Savior and His free gift of forgiveness and life (Romans 6:23). Everything else is window-dressing.

However, there is hope. Our Lord presents us with an open invitation:

·       Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)