LONELINESS, ALIENATION, AND SHAME

According to a recent survey, the majority of people do not have an intimate confidant. The discussion group began to analyze why this was so. A consensus emerged that it was largely about shame. People are ashamed to open up and to be exposed. (Perhaps they were reflecting on themselves.) However, earlier studies have indicated that this kind of alienation has never been so prevalent. Why not?

It seems that it is harder to now accept ourselves, and therefore to allow others in. Instead, we are now more likely to wear an impenetrable façade. We cannot bear the thought of others seeing us the way we really are.

What has changed? Don’t we now live in a society that is more accepting of weaknesses and differences? Well, I have a theory about this and couldn’t hold it in:

·       I think that we now have a greater difficulty in accepting ourselves because we have abandoned the love and acceptance of God. Without Him, we are now left to fend for ourselves. We are therefore burdened with the task of loving and believing in ourselves. However, this generally means that we have to lie to ourselves – to deny the dark side and to accentuate the good. This means that we are playing the hiding game. Instead, of receiving the defining affirmations that come from God, we are in desperate need of the affirmations that come from others and from our “successes.” If we are so needful of these affirmations, how then can we allow our brokenness and shame to be seen!

I also shared how I too had been living in hiding, too ashamed to allow anyone to see me, until my Savior had gradually convinced me that He truly loves and forgives me. It was only with His acceptance that I began to accept myself.

Some seemed to get it, but not entirely. One young man responded, “That’s why we need spirituality – meditation, sunsets, and walks in the woods.

It seemed as if God was off-the-table and out of their radar. So I decided to be a little confrontational:

·       With only that kind of “spirituality,” you still lack Someone to take you out of yourself. You are still stuck in the rut of the self.

I was surprised and happy to see that he agreed. However, the God of the Bible was still an option beyond consideration. The group seemed to be convinced that, although this remained a lingering problem, God was an alternative residing on the opposite side of the tracks.

However, the seed was planted, and I left encouraged.