SELF-KNOWLEDGE AND ITS BENEFITS

The relationship between the two is undeniable. We manage best what we know best. If we understand ourselves, we can better manage ourselves for maximum returns.

It should be obvious that if we have accurate data about our car, we can best take care of it. When we know where to add the water, the windshield wiper fluid, the oil, and the lubricant, we can better maintain it than when we do not know these things.

Driving also depends upon accurate data. If we fail to accurately see the location of pedestrians and other vehicles, we will eventually crash. Similarly, a captain of a ship needs to have accurate information about his ship – what weather it can sustain and where it can successfully navigate.

We too need accurate data about ourselves – our likes and dislikes, our strengths and weaknesses. I don’t like crowds and loud parties, and so I avoid them when possible. In certain environments, we will thrive. In others, we wilt.

All of this might seem simple enough, but it isn’t. Wisdom and self-knowledge are elusive commodities. Why? We’d rather feel good about ourselves than to think accurately about ourselves. It is painful to see ourselves as we really are. We prefer to think that everyone likes and respects us rather to know the truth.

Rose-colored glasses are more desirable than a pair that enables us to see accurately. However, the rose-colored ones come at great cost to self-management. Believing what is inaccurate always costs. I had been a supervisor, but I was not able to correctly assess what others thought about me and my supervisory impact. A colleague had maliciously told me, “You don’t know who your friends are.” I later found out that he was right, and I had to pay a price for my mistaken ideas.

The writer Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) identified this commonly observed truth:

·       If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves, it is because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasures of illusion. (The Perennial Philosophy)

The Roman philosopher Seneca (4 BC-65) likewise succinctly observed that, “Other men's sins are before our eyes; our own are behind our backs.”

How do we remove our rose-colored glasses? Only with the great pain of having to see the light - what we had purposely intended not to see! We have hid from these things because they are painful, disorienting, destabilizing, and personally threatening. We have also come to rely on self-deception, an addictive drug. We have even been encouraged to live on a diet of self-affirmations. Their accuracy was never the prime concern. Instead, we embraced self-deception because it helped us to get out of bed in the morning. They administered an infusion of hope and a belief in ourselves.

However, to maintain the same level of hope and self-belief, we had to imbibe ever more grandiose self-affirmations. Eventually, they become an addiction more life-controlling than any street drug.

To go cold-turkey is to invite despair and depression. Often, long periods of severe depression weaken our defenses, and it becomes increasingly difficult to believe the lies that we had been telling ourselves. Ironically, it has been found that the depressed often have a more accurate self-assessment than do the “normal.” In “Positive Illusions,” psychologist Shelley Taylor summed up the evidence:

·       Normal people exaggerate how competent and well liked they are. Depressed people do not. Normal people remember their past behavior with a rosy glow. Depressed people are more even-handed…On virtually every point on which normal people show enhanced self-regard, illusions of control, and unrealistic visions of the future, depressed people fail to show the same biases.” (214)

However, findings also reveal that when we surface from our depression, we return to our favorite addiction – self-deception. Taylor concluded:

·       When depressed people are no longer depressed, they show the same self-enhancing biases and illusions as non-depressed people. (p.223)

Often, therapy will substitute one addiction for a less toxic addiction. However, for the addiction to self-glorification and narcissistic thinking, there is no therapeutic substitute. However, my Savior Jesus applied the perfect antidote to my addiction. I gradually became convinced that He forgave, loved, and adored me. Because of His acceptance of me, I could begin to face and to accept myself.