HOW TO FEEL VALUED

It seems that the need to be valued characterizes the human race. In The Significant Life, attorney George M. Weaver shows that this drive is so powerful that many have been driven to even commit anti-social acts to convince themselves of their value:

·       In 2005 Joseph Stone torched a Pittsfield, Massachusetts apartment building… After setting the blaze, Stone rescued several tenants from the fire and was hailed as a hero. Under police questioning, Stone admitted, however, that he set the fire and rescued the tenants because, as summarized at trial by an assistant district attorney, he “wanted to be noticed, he wanted to be heard, he wanted to be known.” (44)

Evidently, this drive for significance or value is so powerful that it can overrule the moral dictates of conscience. One mass-murderer gunman explained in his suicide note, “I’m going to be f_____ famous.” (45)

This drive for significance can even override all other affections. On December 8, 1980, Mark David Chapman, a zealous fan of the Beatle, John Lennon, first obtained his idol’s autograph before gunning him down. He explained:

·       “I was an acute nobody. I had to usurp someone else’s importance, someone else’s success. I was  ‘Mr. Nobody’ until I killed the biggest Somebody on earth.” At his 2006 parole hearing, he stated: “The result would be that I would be famous, the result would be that my life would change and I would receive a tremendous amount of attention, which I did receive… I was looking for reasons to vent all that anger and confusion and low self-esteem.” (47)

By attaching himself to someone “greater,” Chapman felt that he had established his worth. This need leads others to pursue notoriety in other ways. Weaver reports that:

·       More than two hundred people confessed in 1932 to the kidnapping and murder of the infant son of famed aviator Charles Lindbergh. (50)

It seems that people are willing to pay almost anything to achieve notoriety. Some achieve it through appearance, popularity, prestige, power, or performance. If personal value cannot be attained through socially sanctioned ways, then many are willing to resort to unsanctioned means. In any event, humanity is held captive by a life-controlling force. Even success at achieving these things only offers temporary satisfaction.

Is there any escape? Some feel that they can satisfy this need through a relationship. However, this will inevitably lead to disappointment. Others resort to trying to build their self-esteem through psychotherapy and positive affirmations. However, as with any drug, these quickly lose their impact, the dosage must be increased, while the addiction and distortion only increase.

Instead, I believe that we are designed to have a relationship with God to fulfill this need. When we know that God loves us eternally, this establishes our value as nothing else can. Consequently, we can:

·       …accept ourselves because we know that God fully accepts us.

·       …accept others despite their many faults because we feel accepted despite our faults.

·       …face the truth about ourselves, since we no longer have to be right or perfect.

·       …take criticism in stride, knowing our value does not depend upon what others think of us.

·       …take failure because success is no longer necessary to establish our value.

·       …take responsibility for our failures.

·       …With this need met, we are freed-up to focus on other issues.

These positive effects are received without side-effects, addictions, or any distortion of our thinking. Perhaps then we have been designed for this relationship as our lungs have been designed for breathing and our stomach for eating.

There is only one cost, as Jesus had commented:

·       But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)

However, we later discover that there is nothing so ennobling and fulfilling as serving our Savior.