WHAT DOES A LIFE OF LOVE ENTAIL?

I go to many secular discussion groups and have never met anyone who says, “I don’t give a darn about helping others. It’s all about #1 – me.” Instead, it seems that almost everyone expresses a desire to love and help others. They claim that this practice is self-enhancing, spiritual, and even transformational.

I am glad that God has planted this awareness within us. Most have experienced the joy in helping others, even in simple carrying a bag or in giving directions. Without this awareness, this world would be a far worse place.

However, the seculars seem to have an overly simplistic understanding of living a life of virtue and of love. The vast majority of people who attend these discussion groups are not in a serious long-term relationship. From their limited experience, they believe that spiritual growth is linear – the more they apply themselves to the virtuous life, the better they will feel and the more spiritual they will become. When confronted with failure, they are convinced that the answer is try-harder-do-better. This will lead to depression or arrogance and scorn for others not doing as well as they.

Actually, I applaud their virtuous efforts. However, they will come to a point of diminishing returns, when they will no longer derive the high from helping others, especially when it becomes costly and long-term, as it will with family members. Just about any married couple will tell us that love requires work and will often lead us through the valley of death.

In this valley we will be humbled. We will be confronted with our own moral failures and our inability to change. We will also be confronted with our hypocrisy and find that we’d rather help the family next door than our own family. We’d rather march and embrace some self-elevating idealistic cause than our own wife. No wonder that half of the marriages end in divorce.

I think that there are many important lessons we can learn from this:

·       Growth or maturity is not linear. Instead the way down might be the way up.

·       Although we know that we need to be other-centered, we are often confused about our failures and those of society.

·       We don’t have what it takes to live according to our ideals. We are moral failures, even the best of us. We should therefore cloth ourselves with the garments of humility. We need a Resource beyond ourselves.

·       Fundamentally, we were designed to enjoy a sustaining relationship with the Savior who loved us and died for us. Without Him, we carry upon our back a crushing weight. Therefore, He humbles us so that He can elevate us (Luke 14:11).

When we have our loving and forgiving Savior, we know that we are forgiven despite our many failures. We also know that God is transforming even our failures into good (Romans 8:28). With this knowledge, we can pick ourselves up and continue to press on. It is only because of His love and acceptance that we can begin to accept ourselves and the deficiencies and failures of others.

In contrast, seculars have been taught that they have the resources within themselves to be the people they want to be. However, we were not designed to be the captains of our own ship but to be trusting sailors God’s on unsinkable ship. Jesus taught that without Him, we can do nothing of any real value:

·       “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:4-5)

This is a hard lesson to learn, perhaps even impossible without our Lord’s help. We want to both be in-charge and to be good people, but we can’t have both. To be spiritually/morally successful is also to be proud, full of ourselves, in contradiction of true goodness. It is only our Lord Jesus who can make our roses bloom.