FINDING YOUR “WHY”

Some people will not walk in the woods without a compass. Others, like me, are content with a map or will merely backtrack so as not to get lost. In any case, we need to be in control and to know why and where we are going.

The late German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, put it like this: “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” If we have a purpose in life and are moving forward, we can better endure the difficulties. This is because our “eyes are on the prize.”

Today, many are talking about finding their own personal “why.” Simon Sinek had said: “Discovering your WHY is like panning for gold in the river of the past. The gold is there, lost in the debris of the river, hidden by the rushing water.”

Sinek is focused on people finding their own personal and individual WHYs. How? By self-examination – what they enjoy and what they are good at. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this. However, we need more. To illustrate this point, let me ask some rhetorical questions of the person who has found his WHY in painting:

·       What happens when the artist sees that someone else’s paintings are better or more highly praised than his own?

·       If we have built our kingdom on the approval of others or our successes, will not we become discouraged if our fellow artists are getting more acclaim that we?

·       Even if we find our WHY, won’t our ego-needs continue to assert themselves and undermine our WHY?

·       Even if we are successful and acclaimed, will this really give us what we need, or is it just a temporary fix?

·       Doesn’t our self-satisfaction then depend upon our success and performance – another form of self-obsession?

Perhaps instead of Sinek’s gold, our WHY might actually be a form of fools-gold? Last night, I was part of a group discussing this very question of finding our personal WHYs. The majority mentioned helping others. However, people are notoriously difficult to help. Sometimes, any attempt to help them will be resisted. Many feel themselves demeaned by receiving help. Often, we offer help because it makes us feel good about ourselves. If we are not aware of this domineering need, we might even be “helping” others in ways that are actually hurting them.

In any event, we may become resentful if they didn’t recognize our efforts to help. We might want to be virtuous, but what happens when our virtue is driven by pragmatic considerations – what makes us feel good about ourselves. Is virtue virtuous if it is self-centered?

We need to explore our WHY. Of what does our motivation to help consist? I had observed that no one asked this question, although some expressed their WHY as seeking to understand themselves. However, the question of God or even a Higher Power was left out of the discussion, as if the group had sensed that there was something illegitimate about bringing God to the table.

However, the question of WHY depends upon a God and who He is. He is the ultimate WHY, the place where the buck stops.

Without a moral law-Giver, there can be no basis for objective moral truth. Justice and injustice, good and bad, and virtue and evil can be little more than evolving social conventions. While most of us agree that a sense of right and wrong is wired into us, if this wiring is merely the product of mindless, purposeless evolution, then these intuitions are no more than uncaring electro-chemical reactions. Therefore, if the concept of virtue is just something we invented, then the practice of virtue or other-centeredness can be no more than self-serving.

From this understanding, it might feel good to do “good,” but such a practice of virtue will not continue once it becomes costly. Self-interest will inevitably overrule the practice of an arbitrary, socially-determined, and evolving concept of virtue. If it is not entirely overruled by our physical and psychological needs, then the practice will become so twisted that it will inevitably hurt those it attempts to serve. Consequently, the late poet, T.S. Elliot, reflected on the dangers of such idealism:

·       Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm-- but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves. 

This brings us to another reason that God must be brought into the discussion. So many people confess that they don’t understand themselves, and for good reason. But, if there is anything that they should understand intimately, it is they. Why then the confusion? Simply this – it is just too painful and humbling to face ourselves. We therefore run from this horror of self and suppress our guilt and shame. We cover it over with self-esteem exercises and self-affirmations – whatever makes us feel good, even if just temporary. Consequently, after we have deceived ourselves for so long, we don’t even know who we are.

It was only through God’s guarantees of His love, forgiveness, and acceptance of me that I could begin to face and accept myself. It was so painful that it took years, but now I feel that I’m free from self-deceptions (John 8:31-32). However, without this confidence and freedom, I too was becoming a social-justice warrior and would have hurt many in the process, if only it would raise my self-esteem.

Inevitably, finding the WHY is a matter of finding what we have rejected – God.