HE REALLY LOVES ME!

I know now that my Savior really loves me, and I never want to forget this or to take Him for granted. It is this conviction that keeps me going.

However, this assurance came slowly and painfully. My parents meant to do well, but they were both distant, emotionally and physically. Consequently, I grew up feeling that in order to be loved, I had to become a different person, since being me never brought me the love I needed.

Growth brought change, but it was always accompanied by a dominating rejection complex. It was as if I had a sign on my head, “Reject Me,” and this is exactly what happened, at least most of the time. I had projected my self-contempt on others. Since I hated myself, I was sure that others hated me, and I hated them for this reason. And despite the many assurances in the Bible that God loved me, I felt that He was barely able to tolerate me. He might take me to heaven, but only reluctantly.

However, Jesus was my last hope. All of my highly recommended psychologists had left me worse off than I had been before, convinced that I was damaged merchandise and that I would remain this way.

Therefore, I continued to meditate on the Scriptures both day and night in hope that I might learn something about God that would change all of this. Meanwhile, I couldn’t shake the thought that God was a sadist who had created us for His sadistic entertainment. Perhaps the Bible represented the greatest deception of all. How could I know otherwise?

Well, one evening, while I was praying, I did discover otherwise. The Holy Spirit made it so real to me that God couldn’t be a sadist. Sadists don’t die for others, especially such a horrid and humiliating death.

I was convinced. God did love me, and I began to see the Scriptures in a different light, especially these verses:

·       but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. (Romans 5:8-10)

If Christ loved us so much that He died for us while we were still His enemies, how much more must He love us now that we are cleansed, converted, and forgiven! How much more will He protect His priceless investment now that we have become His friends! And this pertained to me! If He loved us when we were detestable sinners, and that included me, there was no reason that He wouldn’t adore me now that I wanted Him so desperately!

I had been convinced that my emotional problems had made me detestable before my Savior and that my ongoing pain and failures were evidence of this. Actually, I learned that we are all damaged merchandise and that none of us are worthy of God’s love. Instead, He just loves us (John 3:16).

I also learned that my weaknesses and inadequacies did not constitute the slightest impediment for Him. Instead, of being negatives or indications that He really didn’t like me, our infirmities were actually positives, as Paul too had learned:

·       So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

So here I go again boasting in my weaknesses, but only for His glory. Many feel, as I did, that they are too damaged to serve or even to love God. They believe that their problems have made them second class Christians who cannot be loved as the “first class” Christians are loved.

Yes, I am still damaged and will remain this way into He returns. However, this damage has enabled me to see and appreciate the Gospel in a deeper way. I know what it means to be loved by God. I used to feel that I was condemned until the Spirit made this verse very real for me:

·       There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)

Oh, the freedom from condemnation! This verse became more than a doctrine to be learned and recited. It became my life and another reason to adore my Savior Jesus.

I have become convinced that our needs and brokenness are the soil from which gratefulness and the love for our Savior grow best.