CONTROL FREAK PRISON

I am a control freak, and it’s not fun. We are driven by both fear and desire. We want to control those things that might cause of stress and pain. We also want to control those aspects of our lives that can give us some comfort, whether success, popularity, or even a good time with friends.

However, to maintain a tight grip on the reigns of our lives is to oppose the Spirit and even our own nature. When we are driven to maintain control, we are not responsive to the guidance of the Spirit or even to the roses, which we pass by without a thought. And when two control freaks (CF) get together, there are sure to be sparks and sharp disagreements about the plans to be controlled. Our stress levels are elevated, and we are not free to enjoy the moment with one another. We are like a car speeding along at 100 mph. The slightest wrong move can create a crisis.

What to do? Perhaps the better question for the CF is “What not to do.” We are really very limited creations who were created to learn to depend and to find comfort in our Creator (John 15:4-4; 2 Corinthians 1:8-9). Paul admitted that he had to despair of life itself before he could learn to trust in God:

·       For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:8-9 ESV)

If we are truly so helpless, then we need to understand and accept our helplessness and to pray to our Lord, and this is the very thing that He wants. However, do not be surprised if this is a slow and painful process. Self-trust and CFism die a slow death. Therefore, as we die, we need to also grow in the assurance that our God is faithful and works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28), especially when we are terrified that our lives are beyond our control. Well, they are, and there is a reason that we experience this terror – so that we might pray, “Lord help me. I am out of control. I cannot even endure my own life.”

This feeling is so threatening, but it must be this way. Why? Because we love to maintain control, even if it is strangulating us!

We also need to know that our Savior truly, truly, truly loves us (Ephesians 3:16-19), or else we will despair. However, this has led me to meditate on the Scriptures both day and night (Psalm 1; Joshua 1:7-8) to find His comfort. Often, at the times of the deepest despair, the Spirit has illuminated His Word in dramatic and reassuring ways. This self-despair has also led me to meditate on the meaning of the Cross, the time of Jesus’ ultimate glory (John 12:23-24), when He offered us the portrait of His surpassing love, even while we were His enemies (Romans 5:8-10). Consequently, over the years, I have fallen deeper in love with our Savior. This would never have happened had I not been reared on the painful diet of my inadequacies.

We cannot apply any self-help formula to deliver us from our suffering. Instead, we are told that it will be painful, but eventually it will produce the fruits that our Lord seeks (Hebrews 12:11). Even Jesus had to learn obedience through what He suffered (Hebrew 5:8). How much more will this be true for us!

We too must walk in obedience, even as we wait upon our Lord (Psalm 27:14). As strange as it might seem, we experience healing through obedience:

·       Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. (Hebrews 12:12-13)

The CF must understand that we do not directly heal ourselves through our obedience any more than we save ourselves through our obedience. However, our faithful obedience keeps open the healing channel between ourselves and our Lord. In a sense, it serves as our plea of help. For when we honor Him, He honors us. When we turn away from Him, He turns away from us. But when we humbly confess our sins, He is always ready to receive us back.

Whatever our pains or inadequacies, we belong to Him (Galatians 2:20), and He guarantees to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. This is why He commands us to cast all of our cares upon Him:

·       Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6-7)

He’s in charge. The battle belongs to Him (Zechariah 4:6). I therefore pray, “Lord I can’t handle my anxieties, but you can, and You will give me what I need in Your good time.”