Humanity inhabits a darkened refuge of denial, a refusal to
see reality. One evidence of this is that the vast majority believe that they
are good people. At the same time, they do not believe that the good has an
existence apart from our own minds. This means that we create the idea of the
“good.” Therefore, the “good” is no more than what we decide it to be.
Consequently, to say that someone is a good person is merely to say that he
conforms to our own invented ideal of what is “good.”
As a high school student, I didn’t believe that there was
such a thing as the “good.” However, I needed to feel that I was
a good and worthy person. Therefore, in my first year of college, I volunteered
to be a teacher’s assistant.
The teacher was supportive and concerned about the welfare
of his students. He invited me to his Thanksgiving celebration/cookout along
with many of his colleagues. After a while, one colleague asked me why I had
volunteered to be part of this worthy program. They probably wanted to know
what Berkeley students thought about such things. I simply answered:
- I just want to feel good about myself.
My answer was greeted by a chilling silence. I felt I had
said something so unacceptable that it had to be covered over by a torrent of
diversionary words, which flew past me. As a result, I dropped out of the
program, reasoning that since life was no more than a matter of self-promotion,
I was playing the hypocrite by making-believe that I was virtuous. Besides, it
suddenly became obvious to me that since life is simply about what I can get
out of it, the most authentic life is the life where I directly pursue my own pleasures without any pretense.
In retrospect, I think that they were shocked by my answer.
While they probably wouldn’t deny that doing good feels good, to acknowledge
that doing good was purely self-serving stripped away their mask of
virtuousness to expose the fact that we are beasts.
Although this should be obvious to us, we cannot face it. It
contradicts everything we want to believe about ourselves and those close to
us. Even if we believe that right/wrong, good/evil, and just/unjust are mere
social constructs, we will not allow this belief entry into the bedroom of our
self-definition. Nor will we allow it to disrupt our professional identity.
Instead, it is forced to remain in the university classroom, where we can pride
ourselves by exhibiting such skepticism, as long as we can keep it at a safe
distance away from our identity.
Are we really beasts apart from God? The greatest evangelist
had admitted:
- For the good which I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I practice. (Romans 7:19)
Can we face this about ourselves? Only in tiny doses and
only with the assurance of God’s unfathomable love for us!
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