BORDERS, BOUNDARIES, AND SELF-CONTEMPT

I have an old and dear friend who would never have refused you anything. We regarded him as the quintessential good person. Whatever you wanted from him was yours.

He had erected no boundaries or borders to protect himself. It seemed that he esteemed the needs of others more than his own. He was the model of selflessness, or was he. Not really. Underneath his “selflessness” was a feeling that dominated his life. He didn’t feel that he was important enough to say “no” to anyone.

Over the years, this vulnerability turned into victimhood. He became a magnet and attracted many who desired to abuse and to take advantage of him. As a result, he has now turned his back on the human race and has become a recluse.

This same phenomenon of self-hate plays out on a national level under the guise of super-caring. The Germans still seem to be trying to prove to the world, and even to themselves, that they aren’t Nazis by allowing themselves to be abused by migrants.

This same tendency is also being played out in our USA under many guises. Presidential candidates talk as if this country is the worst in the world, insisting that we are still the most racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, and imperialistic nation in the world. One candidate insisted that we have to pay for our sins by reversing everything - removing our borders and legal protections, even at the cost of leaving the innocent vulnerable. Others insist that this nation was never great. Instead, the US achieved what it had merely by oppressing others.

Self-hated turns its fangs against itself, convinced that everything must be torn down, the good along with the bad. The Black Conservative commentator, Candice Owens, terms this “virtue signaling,” a demonstration of moral superiority. As such, these fangs of self-righteousness are not really turned against themselves but against those they rule, requiring them to pay penance their privileged position.

However, this kind of virtue leads to destruction and internal chaos. My friend has been left broken, embittered, and no longer wants any friends. I think that this very outcome plays out on many other levels. What if a globalist husband and father decided that it wasn’t right to love his wife and children exclusively? Instead, he would share his favors equally among his community. Inevitably, this leads to bitterness, jealousy, and eventual collapse.

It had even been earnestly tried on the many formerly Marxist Israeli Kibbutzim. Originally, these voluntary communities disdained any form of ownership, and this included children, clothing, and even sexual partners. However, this ideal couldn’t be sustained. Human nature decisively put the kibosh on it.

Let’s now look at a less extreme example – an outreach to clean the community. What if you declined to join your community effort in favor of another community? It would probably cause resentment. Why? Because you would be profiting from the efforts of your community, while refusing to help!

On a systematic national level, where the disdain of one’s own nation and traditions is causing its citizens to suffer in terms of subjecting the innocent to greater risks of criminality and various forms of deprivation, the resentment and chaos would reach much greater levels.

Generosity must be guided by wisdom. My good friend would not have become so embittered if he had been helping the right people for the right reasons. Yes, there are “right people” – those who will be helped by our generosity rather than those who will be encouraged to become even more abusive; those who will respond with gratefulness rather than with contempt and a sense of entitlement.

Yes, there are also “right reasons” and motivations. Heightening our self-righteousness and sense of moral superiority at the expense of others is never the right reason. Instead of helping others, it divides and causes bitterness. Few of us are willing to be “helped” at the price of being treated as inferior.

Was my friend helping others in order to neutralize his feelings of self-contempt or to elevate himself above others? I can’t really say. Perhaps instead, he was paying for love and the esteem of others through his “good” deeds, an unspoken and un-agreed-upon quit-pro-quo?

However, this is clearly being played out on the national stage using the narrative that we are the worst country and people in the world, and we must pay the price. Many of us are unwilling to foot-the-bill. For a marriage to thrive, the partners must be convinced that the other is concerned about their supreme welfare. We call this “love.” Children must likewise be convinced of this. If they are not, they will only pass on a perverted love to others.

A nation must also be convinced that their leaders are concerned about the welfare of their nation. Without this, cynicism and contempt will reign. Few will be motivated to do good outside of their own families. They go into siege-mentality. The best way to love your neighbors is to first love your family. I think that this is also the best way to love the world – by first loving one’s own nation and people. When we feel protected and secure, we will more readily reach out to others beyond our own borders.