“KINDNESS CONQUERS ALL”

One woman on social media provided a statement intended to reflect what her life is all about ~ “kindness has the power to change the world”~. I found this statement significant because it expresses the sentiments of so many idealistic young people.

I have to admit that love and kindness can touch hearts and affect the lives of others in profound ways. However, so many of our young people believe that “love is all you need.” When we look at the world through our own idealistic lens, this is the way the world seems to us. When we are treated with kindness, we generally want to reciprocate. I do. However, not everyone is this way.

Some interpret kindness as weakness and vulnerability. Tragically, they take it as an invitation to cause pain. As a probation supervisor, I had supervised a unit of probation officers who only received sex abuse and domestic violence cases. I therefore was required to attend a New York State seminar on sex abusers. The seminar highlighted a program where sex abuse victims were brought into the prisons to confront the abusers with their story of how their victimization had ruined their lives.

At first, I thought that this was a great idea. Actually, for some abusers, it was. However, subsequent research revealed that for others, hearing stories of abuse encouraged the abuser to want to abuse even more.

If kindness conquered all, we would no longer need courts and prisons. However, it does not. While it might be hard for the idealist to acknowledge this, evil is so deeply entrenched in many that they are irredeemable, apart from a miraculous hand from above.

My years at probation and parole taught me many disappointing yet needful lessons about humanity. Those offenders, who I had trusted, most often turned about to be the most dangerous and manipulative. They were even so skilled that they were even able to deceive the police and the judges. One, who I had arrested and visited at the police jail, was even able to take over. One day I even found him sitting in the chief’s swivel chair. He had the office to himself, where he was pursuing his crimes non-stop from his lofty perch. The police would even grant him leave to see his girlfriend. Without her permission, he was taking photographs of her in the nude, which he planned to sell.

Our ideals die a slow death. I wish, at that point, that I realized that “love will not conquer all.” Much later, as a supervisor, I was seduced by a similar ideal. I convinced myself that if I was totally transparent with my officers about my commitment to justice and their welfare, they would reciprocate. However, they took it as a sign that they could get away with murder. I therefore had to bring charges against them. Consequently, they hated me, and I hated them.

I am still an idealist, but I’ve learned that idealism must be guided by truth and wisdom, if it is not to become destructive.