THE GIFT OF UNWORTHINESS

On our 16 hour flight from NYC to Guangzhou, China in January, I was thinking about the love of God and how He could use somebody like me.

This had been a hard lesson to learn. The great King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon also had to learn this lesson. He even had a dream that prophesied that he would have to lose his mind for seven years until he learned it. The Prophet Daniel had interpreted to the king the meaning of his dream:

·       “The sentence is...to the intent that the living may know that the Most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will, and setteth up over it the lowest of men.” (Daniel 4:17 ASV)

The king also was of the lowest of men, but such a thought was unthinkable to him and to the thinking of all of us. Instead, we are intent to build our self-esteem and self-confidence in order to run away from this thought.

However, I was delighted to recall that God uses the broken people of the world. Knowing this has allowed me to turn away from my failures and inadequacies and to even boast about them (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) and to look hopefully and adoringly to the only One who really matters.

He has proved His love for me by dying for my sins. In my painful depression, I had been unable to shake my fear that He might be a sadist who created us for His own perverse entertainment.

However, Scripture finally banished this thought. If the eternal uncreated God the Son had died for my sins - and the evidence for this is unshakeable - He could not possibly be a sadistic deceiver.

It was this understanding that had finally banished my doubts and enabled me to accept myself with all of my flaws:

·       If God is for us, who is against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not also with him freely give us all things? Who shall lay anything to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth; who is he that condemneth? It is Christ Jesus that died, yea rather, that was raised from the dead, who is at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. (Romans 8:31-34)

These verses and many others have taught me that it’s okay to be unworthy of God. We all are. This is because He delights in being our covering, our worthiness, and everything else that compensates for our stark nakedness:

·       …God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; Godchose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption. (1 Corinthians 1:27-30)

Let the Devil charge that I am unworthy to serve Him. It’s true, but it no longer matters.