THOUGHTS REGARDING “FRIENDSHIP EVANGELISM”

 

 

We send our children to public schools and are surprised that they return as heathens, even to the point of denying our holy Faith. We send them to secular colleges expecting that through “friendship evangelism” they will influence others for Christ, but they return with their unbelieving boy- or girlfriend having adopted their lifestyle. We entrust them to churches where, instead of being prepared to enter a hostile world with the Gospel, they are fed with pizza and ice cream socials.

 

If this is beginning to sound like a diatribe against “friendship evangelism,” it is not. Instead, it’s against the false expectations [FE] that are often associated with this approach.  Here are a few:

 

 

FE#1: Others will see how friendly and loving we are and will want what we have. It just does not work that way. Salvation is supernatural, and we are simply midwives, who have the honor of assisting in a new birth of the Lord:

 

·       But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God’s word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ. (2 Corinthians 2:14–17)

 

It doesn’t matter how loving we might be. For many, we are a stench of death. Instead, it is primarily a matter of spreading “the fragrance of the knowledge of him” to those who are “being saved.”

 

We also need to be “men of sincerity.” This means that we cannot play make-believe friendship when our primary calling is to spread the love and reconciliation available through the Cross of Christ. To present ourselves otherwise is to forfeit the moral high-ground and to bring ill-repute upon the Gospel. Instead, we have to present ourselves with sincerity without feigning friendship or using any other manipulative means (2 Corinthians 4:2).

 

When we wear a false front by hiding our evangelistic intent, it will be difficult to transition back. When we do, the “friend” may feel that he has been deceived. Besides, there are no instances in the Bible of this kind of friendship evangelism.

 

FE#2: Those who are bad influences are easy to spot. They are crude and rude, right? Instead, it is those who have an impressive veneer, so impressive that they can exert great influence. Paul had warned:

 

·       Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

 

Usually, those we choose for friendship evangelism are likeable and impressive people, even people we admire. Certainly, Paul couldn’t be referring to such people as “bad company, right?” However, this context suggests that these are the very people to whom he was referring. Prior to this, Paul had been referring to those who deny the resurrection and are trying to influence believers accordingly. In view of this, the “bad company” are the learned elites under whom we send our children to learn.

 

FE#3: Since there are many instances of the unsaved being saved through the testimony of a friend, this means that we should first be making friends before we present Jesus to them. There are several key differences between having had a long-standing friendship and first making friends for the purpose of evangelism:

 

·       You already had this friendship without any evangelistic intent. Genuine trust and caring had already been established.

·       Shortly after coming to faith, you honestly shared what has happened to you.

·       In this context, your friend will be far more amenable to your influence than a new “friend” who may have been experiencing the discomfort of your mask.

 

This is not a Biblical strategy. When Jesus sent out His disciple, He didn’t instruct them to make friends but disciples:

·       “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19–20)

 

Recently, I had talked to a homosexual young man who had begun to partake in a loving Christian fellowship. However, once they found out that he was gay, they withdrew their love from him, and he left embittered. Instead, they should have been honest with him from the start and explained that Christian brotherhood depends on faith/repentance.

 

FE#4: The unsaved will not accept what we have to say unless we first earn the right to be heard. This can be achieved through our good deeds without a pretense of friendship. In either case, we must not hide our light:

 

·       “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14–16)

 

Even when our light is expressed through good deeds, we must make sure that it is God who is getting the glory. Those who see us must be made to understand that it is the Gospel which has motivated and empowered us. We cannot allow those who are the beneficiaries of the Gospel to give the glory to us. Therefore. I think that we should even reconsider supporting ministries that believe that it is preferable to hide that their light comes from Jesus. If they do not understand that their blessings are a gift from Christ, they will instead give the glory to us.

 

FE#5: If we find the right strategy, we can save others. While it is true that we have a big responsibility in this matter, salvation is a gift from God, who grants us a change of heart and repentance:

 

·       And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. (2 Timothy 2:24–26)

 

It is God who saves. He must regenerate the heart to grant faith/repentance. We must sow the seeds of the Gospel and pray that they will find fertile soil. The work of the faithful ambassador of Christ is to sow the seeds of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:19-21).

 

Fe#6: We must be relevant. There is truth to this. Paul had instructed us to be a “Jew to a Jew” and a “Greek to a Greek” (1 Corinthians 9:19-23). But this teaching was never intended to set aside the preaching of the Gospel. Paul concluded:

 

·       But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. (1 Corinthians 9:27)

 

Therefore, his counsel to be a “Jew to a Jew” did not exclude preaching. Nor was it an excuse to water down the Word.

 

Fe#7: We will be a greater influence on them than they on us. Many churches are naively sending their people into worldly enclaves to spread the light without preparation. We first need to be equipped with the “whole armor of God”:

 

·       Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. (Ephesians 6:11–15)

 

Our adversaries are greater than we are. While much have been written about this armor, I just want to focus on one aspect: “as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.”

Going forth with the Gospel is also part of the armor! We are ready for spiritual warfare as we are prepared to go forward with the “Gospel of peace.” When Jesus sent out His Apostles to preach, He had promised that He would always be there with them. Consequently, many, who have gone forth in the readiness of the Gospel, have experienced His empowerment, while the one who passively “stands in the way of sinners” and “sits in the seat of scoffers” (Psalm 1:1), hoping to make friends, will feel dis-empowered and defensive. He will therefore look for ways to counteract these feelings of insecurity. This usually results in compromise.

 

Friendship evangelism places the burden on us to be winsome, whereas Biblical evangelism places the burden on our Lord to make His Gospel winsome.