DEPRESSION AND THE FALSE SELF

 

 

 

Depression has become a worldwide stalker:

 

·       The total estimated number of people living with depression worldwide increased by 18.4% between 2005 and 2015 to 322 million, according to the World Health Organization. Nearly half of people living with depression live in the more highly-populated global areas...

 

Another study (2013) reported similar findings:

 

·       ...depressive illness is the disease with the second heaviest burden on society, with around one in 20 people suffering...[This] burden increased by 37.5% between 1990 and 2010...(The Guardian)

 

What can account for this dramatic rise? Globalization has improved the economic lot of many. Broad assortments of psychotherapies have proliferated, along with a massive self-help industry and support groups. However, there is no solid evidence that any of these interventions have been able to check this tsunami. Instead, it seems that both the disease and its various cures have grown together, perhaps even profiting from a symbiotic relationship. How?

 

It seems that the more we attempt to elevate ourselves with positive affirmations, self-trust, and tokens of success, the more our problems worsen. King Herod of Israel had reached the top rung of power and influence. He had welcomed a team of ambassadors from Tyre and Sidon who needed Herod’s permission to buy Israel’s grain:

 

·       On an appointed day Herod put on his royal robes, took his seat upon the throne, and delivered an oration to them]. And the savvy ambassadors began shouting, "The voice of a god, and not of a man!" Immediately an angel of the Lord struck him down, because he did not give God the glory, and he was eaten by worms and breathed his last. (Acts 12:21-23 ESV)

 

The ambassadors were shrewd. They understood human nature and exactly what the king was looking for. He had wanted to be exalted – and this need is never satisfied – and they were prepared to give Herod this honor.

 

Clearly, self-exaltation comes at a great price. It did for Herod, and perhaps also for us. Jesus had been observing the way elite banquet guests had grabbed the seats of honor for themselves. Jesus warned:

 

·       “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."(Luke 14:11)

 

 

Perhaps depression and our other woes are the price we are increasingly paying for the heady drug of self-exaltation. Meanwhile, the major religions have warned against the dangers of pride and arrogance, and Jesus was no exception:

 

·       And he [Jesus] said to them [the Pharisees], "You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God.” (Luke 16:15)

 

The higher we exalt ourselves, the harder we fall. However, even more seriously, self-exaltation is a stench before both God and man. Jesus had often exposed this Pharisaic tendency:

 

·       “They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others.” (Matthew 23:5-7)

 

They were all about self-promotion and their own glory. While the Pharisees had won the respect of the people, they had lost their own lives (Matthew 10:39). They had been successful self-promoters, but this “success” came at the price of self-deception. They had rejected the light of self-knowledge for the darkness of self-deceit (John 3:19-20), convincing themselves that they were worthy and righteous before a God.

 

Self-deception? Inevitably! For self-exaltation to pay its desired dividends, we have to believe in our self-affirmations that we are superior and worthy of God’s esteem. However, self-deception is also alienation from self, others, and reality. It is to establish a parallel “reality” at odds with the rest of life. It is darkness and confusion and a rejection of the light of reason so necessary to navigate through life. Such blindness ends in shipwreck and depression.

 

We become enslaved to a deadly, unseen form of addiction – ego boosts. Whether it is addiction to a substance, pornography, or to an inflated self-esteem, each will dominate our lives. However, the narcissistic addiction is more deadly since it remains unseen by the addict. But with any addiction, the more pleasure we derive from it, the more we need it. The more dependent we become, the less we can enjoy normal pleasures, and the greater the fall when deprived of our stimulant. When we cannot get our fix, the deeper we sink into a depressed state, the more desperate we become for the next fix.

 

As a result, the more porn we imbibe, the less normal sex will satisfy us. Likewise, the more we depend on our inflated estimation of ourselves, the less we can tolerate the truth about ourselves. Besides, the suppressed material is always trying to rise to the surface, like a beach ball, which resists being submerged. Keeping down the ball and the suppressed material requires a continual all-consuming struggle, where peace is the first casualty.

 

Our inflated self-esteem is related to depression in other ways. It destroys intimacy, friendship, and creates isolation. In order to maintain our self-esteem high, we are constantly seeking affirmation for the false self we have created, like the drug addict seeking his next fix. Consequently, friends become drugs to fulfill our need. We use them to get what we want, but no one wants to be used, and, after a while, it begins to feel that way to them.

 

As a result, social isolation and loneliness have become a growing problem, despite the many new outlets for communication. Psychiatrists Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz cite two “major studies” in this regard. In the first:

 

·       “McPherson found that between 1985 and 2004, the number of people with whom the average American discussed ‘important matters’ dropped from three to two. Even more stunning, the number of people who said that there was no one with whom they discussed important matters tripled: in 2004, individuals without a single confidant now made up nearly a quarter of those surveyed” (The Lonely American, 2).

 

Many explanations are brought forward to explain our growing isolation. Some cite America’s legendary pioneering spirit and our emphasis on self-reliance. Others suggest that loneliness is a product of our frenetic pace. However, these explanations fail to explain the recent nose-dive in levels of intimacy, since we have always been self-reliant and frenetic! In addition to this, there is the finding of James Buie that “Depression…for those born after 1950 is as much as twenty times higher than the incidence rate for those born before 1910” (Edward Welch, Depression: A Stubborn Darkness, 113).

 

Why? Perhaps it’s because we live in a society, which has consistently pushed the “believe in yourself” drug – the embrace of the new narcissism. Consequently, we have been encouraged to feed ourselves high doses of positive affirmations and to deny the negative. However, when the negative can no longer be denied, we seek the psychologist who reinforces our dysfunctional quest. They teach us how to more effectively believe in ourselves using various visualizations and self-affirmations. They merely renew our delusional self-hope and self-trust. However, this only reinforces our schizophrenic conflict to believe in ourselves when reality (including our own conscience) tells us otherwise.

 

Consequently, we can no longer tolerate any constructive criticism, any light that might threaten our deceptions. Had we been living in the light, the criticism would not have threatened us. Instead, we might have appropriately responded, “You are right, and I need such reminders in order to make the necessary adjustments.”

 

Instead, anything that exposes us represents a serious threat to our perceived well-being and must be extinguished as had been done to Jesus:

 

·       “The world cannot hate you, but it hates me [Jesus] because I testify about it that its works are evil.” (John 7:7)

 

We cannot tolerate the sight of our evil, especially after our addictive positive affirmations have “convinced” us of our righteousness and worthiness. Consequently, we live vulnerable and schizoid lives. We know the truth about ourselves but cannot face it and have condemned ourselves to an endless struggle to suppress the truth. We have become like King Herod. We know that we are not God, but we cannot do without the praise. We live in the shadows, ready to kill any attempt to expose us to the light.

 

I know what living in the darkness and hating the exposure is all about. This tension had driven me into decades of depression. Instead, I needed to see and accept myself as I am, but I could not begin to do so. It required the assurances of God’s love, forgiveness, and acceptance to teach me to accept myself, even with my many faults, which I had refused to see:

 

·       So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32)

 

Increasingly, I am free from the darkness to face the light of truth. The struggle to prove myself has largely vanished. Beloved by my Savior, I have found rest. Having the praise of my God, I am no longer addicted to positive self-talk and praise of men. No longer needing their approval, I am now set free to give them my love and approval as fellow children of God.