SELF-DESPAIR AND MY MELTDOWNS

 

I still have periodic meltdowns and self-despair. Mine are due primarily from fears of failure and actual personal failures and weaknesses. Yours might stem from other causes, but, in any case, experiencing painful bouts of self-despair are needful (2 Corinthians 1:8-10; 4:7-11) and common to all Christians.

 

Let me share with you the positive things that come forth from these times of self-despair (SD). It teaches us:

 

To Trust in the Lord: 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 “For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.”

 

We love to be in control and to be convinced that we have whatever it takes to “make it.” Paul had to learn that he was unable to cope without the help of the Lord. If we are to trust in the Lord, we need to learn this same lesson.

 

To Open our Eyes to the Words of God, as nothing else can: Psalm 119:71-72 “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces.”

 

I know that I would never have submitted my heart and mind to God’s Word unless I desperately need to. Instead, I would have trusted in my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6).

 

 

To More Deeply Appreciate God’s Love for Unworthy Me: Psalm 34:18-19

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”

 

His love and acceptance of me has enabled me to accept myself, warts and all. Knowing that I am beloved has freed from the life-controlling need to always have to prove I am worthy. His love has enabled me to be authentic and to even boast in my infirmities and failures (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

 

 

To Teach a Greater Gratitude: Psalm 71:23-24 “My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed. And my tongue will talk of your righteous help all the day long, for they have been put to shame and disappointed who sought to do me hurt.”

 

The more that SD teaches me that I cannot trust in my own righteousness, the more I love Him. The more I perceive that I cannot make it without Him, the more I adore Him for being there for me. This also pertains to my wife. The more I despair of myself, the more grateful I am to have her. When I thought more highly of myself, the more discontent I had been with her.

 

When I perceive, as the Psalmist had, that Jesus has delivered me from despair and threat on so many occasions, I now trust He will continue to deliver me. I am grateful for this.

 

My God has always rescued me from my meltdowns when all hope was lost and only doom stood in my path. Therefore, I gladly praise Him.

 

However, in my earlier years as a Christian, I went through such hard times that I had despaired of life. However, when the time was right, He put an end to this unbearable suffering:

 

·       And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. (1 Peter 5:10)