WHAT SHOULD WE BELIEVE ABOUT OURSELVES

 

 

What we believe is important. It affects everything - how we feel about ourselves and how we treat others.

 

When I had an inflated self-esteem—and that’s known as pride and arrogance—I built myself up by looking down on others. It should be no surprise that this negatively impacted my relationships, especially with my wife. Since we both were convinced that we were always right, we were never able to resolve any of our conflicts.

 

In retrospect, I was able to see that my inflated beliefs about myself had also negatively impacted my beliefs about my Savior. Somehow, I had convinced myself that, because I was more spiritual than others, I was entitled to God’s mercy rather than receiving it as a free gift.

 

Bad mistake! As I later learned, Jesus would first have to humble me before He would lift me up:

 

·       “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:12)

 

Through the Scriptures, I was beginning to learn that narcissism is a universal problem:

 

·       Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.” (Proverbs 21:2)

 

Many of Jesus’ parables taught about the dangers of regarding ourselves as worthy, at least more worthy and entitled to the blessings of God than were others. A vineyard owner went to town to hire day-laborers looking for work. They agreed to work the day for a denarius. Later in the day, the owner went out again and again to hire more harvesters. At the end of the day, he paid each a denarius for his labors. However, those who had worked the entire day were miffed:

 

·       Now when those hired first came, they thought they would receive more, but each of them also received a denarius. And on receiving it they grumbled at the master of the house, saying, ‘These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’ But he [the owner] replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?’ So the last will be first, and the first last.” (Matthew 20:10–16)

 

It wasn’t that those who came first would be last—they had all received the same wage. Instead, it is more likely that they believed that because they came first, they were more entitled. However, their sense of entitlement worked against them. Because they begrudged the Master’s mercy, they rejected this generous Master, convinced that they were more deserving than the others. Therefore, they became the “last.”

 

In so many ways, Jesus warned us against our narcissistic entitlement mentality:

·       “So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’” (Luke 17:10)

 

Jesus also unmasked the esteemed Scribes and Pharisees. Narcissism and self-promotion were not to be models for His followers:

 

·       “They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others.” (Matthew 23:5–7)

 

Instead of honor, I first had to endure a long a painful humbling process, which would convince me of my unworthiness and my humble situation:

 

·       “The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:11–12)

 

As long as I sought honor, I found disgrace. I always had to be right and couldn’t accept being wrong. Consequently, my first wife and I could never resolve our problems. Finally, she left me for another. Nor could I hold a job for more than a year.

 

After being stripped down and exposed, I realized that I wasn’t worthy of anything better from God than destruction (Romans 6:23). Instead, I learned that my only hope was in His mercy. I had become like the harvester who had been hired at the end of the day but had received the wage of a full day’s work. Undoubtedly, he was grateful for what he had received.

 

Similarly, the belief in my unworthiness has paid many dividends:

 

·       Gratefulness for my God who loved me even when I was His enemy (Romans 5:8-10).

·       Gratefulness for my second wife of 32 years, not because she is perfect, but because I am highly imperfect, and yet she is grateful to have me.

·       Self-acceptance based upon God’s love and acceptance of me. Lacking this assurance, many practice elevating their self-esteem and trying to learn how to love themselves. However, this is a drug that requires increasingly high doses.

·       Freedom from having to prove myself. This has enabled me to accurately regard myself, to appreciate the good in others, and to praise it. I can now be more other-centered.

 

Our beliefs matter profoundly!