CONFESSIONS OF A PASTOR/TEACHER

 

I am not technically a pastor, but I often serve informally as a pastor. Therefore, I think that I can speak for pastors, teachers, as well as for myself.

 

We are just like everyone else. However, we might have walked with the Lord for a while longer and have had more time to grow in the fruits of the Spirit and in knowledge and wisdom. However, the same truths of the Christian life still apply to us:

 

·       For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. (Galatians 5:17)

 

Nor has our training and experience mitigated the temptations and anxieties. Therefore, I wasn’t surprised to read these findings:

 

·       The 2016 Pastors Survey by ExPastors.com found that out of 577 completed responses, many pastors are going through a difficult time in their ministry…(71%) said they have or they are experiencing burnout. More alarmingly, an even larger number of respondents (85%) admit they have considered leaving the ministry. http://www.christianpost.com/news/many-pastors-feel-burned-out-and-want-to-leave-the-ministry-according-to-survey.html

 

What can explain these troubling findings? This study also reported

 

·       Of the 577 pastors who responded, 64% said they have wondered if they were really called to ministry. Of the respondents, 61% said they fight depression while in ministry, 62% said they feel lonely, and 65% are battling anxiety.

 

·       While the majority of respondents said they have a close friend to share their struggles with (75%), a quarter said they don't have someone to talk to about what they are going through. Less than half (44%) have a mentor to ask for guidance or help.

 

More recently, a Barna study (2021) found:

 

·       38 percent [of pastors] indicate they have considered quitting full-time ministry within the past year. This percentage is up 9 full points (from 29%) since Barna asked church leaders this same question at the beginning of 2021. https://www.barna.com/research/pastors-well-being/

 

I was particularly stuck by the finding that “62%...feel lonely.” This might be surprising to the average congregant who observes that their pastor is held in high regard and has a supportive board. But this is only a small part of the story. I think that part of the problem is that, as social beings, we care too much about what others might think about us. It’s a trap:

·       The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. (Proverbs 29:25; John 12:42-43)

 

Most of us do trust in the Lord and want to please Him more than anything. However, our inadequacies, insecurities, and weaknesses gnaw at us almost continually. And if they don’t, we are probably afflicted by pride, an even worse problem.

We might be very aware of our weaknesses and insecurities and are even fortified in the knowledge that God makes us strong in our dependence upon Him through these painful factors (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). However, our insecurities are still ever present along with the consciousness of our many failures.

Besides, we have a legitimate concern about what our students or congregants think of us. We are concerned that if they lose respect for us, they will also reject us – another token of “failure.” Therefore, it is hard to not wear our mask and other protective armor. We don’t want others to see our struggles, lest they go elsewhere.

 

However, trying to always have our mask in place is also anxiety producing and serves to separate us from others. Instead of being transparent, we feel that we cannot allow others to see our many struggles. Perhaps they might even judge us harshly? After all, we are to judge, aren’t we? Jesus even taught us to exercise judgment regarding our teachers and leaders:

·       “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.” (Matthew 7:15–20)

 

But do I have the fruits that others will esteem? Will they find me lacking and go elsewhere? I think that there is a big difference between experiencing weakness, temptations, and insecurities, and how we respond to them. Do we always seek to honor God according to His Word, or do we do things our own way? Jesus also had been tempted in every way that we are, except without sin:

 

·       For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

 

Consequently, temptations and weaknesses are not sins. But we are not Jesus, and we do sin. Even though we might be convinced that, when we confess our sins, we are entirely forgiven and cleansed in God’s sight, this might not be true in the eyes of our students. To take the pressure off myself, I warn them that I am much like them, and that they shouldn’t think more of me than they ought. They even seem to respond favorably to this.

 

We also must not miss the vital message of Hebrews 4:15: Although we might not fully understand it, Jesus had experienced our weaknesses so that He would be able “to sympathize with our weaknesses” and become our faithful High Priest. I think that this same principle pertains to those in Christian leaderful.

 

Thank God for your weaknesses and insecurities. Without them, you would not be able to minister effectively to your flock. Instead of compassion, we would be ministering commands, as if to look down upon them from our superior position. This is not what ministry is supposed to be about.

 

Instead, we have learned that it isn’t that easy, and it’s not supposed to be, lest we fail to learn to trust in our Lord through His Word. The truth is that we aren’t adequate. Instead, the quicker we learn that we are inadequate and cannot do anything of any value without our Lord Jesus, the more effective servants we will be (John 15:4-5).