MUST WE LEARN TO LOVE OURSELVES BEFORE WE CAN LOVE OTHERS?

 

 

The first question should be, “How do we love ourselves?” For those who are psycho-therapeutically oriented, loving ourselves is a matter of building our self-esteem, generally through positive affirmations or accomplishments. However, according to the Bible, building our self-esteem is the opposite of humbling ourselves (1 Peter 5:6; Matthew 23:12). Instead, building self-esteem is equated with flattery and narcissism:

 

·       Psalm 36:1-4 Transgression speaks to the wicked deep in his heart; there is no fear of God before his eyes.  For he flatters himself in his own eyes that his iniquity cannot be found out and hated.  The words of his mouth are trouble and deceit; he has ceased to act wisely and do good.  He plots trouble while on his bed; he sets himself in a way that is not good; he does not reject evil.”

 

Instead, loving ourselves comes naturally. The evidence of this is that we take care of our needs. Besides, self-flattery gives rise to evil, the opposite of humility and love. Therefore, the Bible gives us the law in our conscience to humble us (Romans 3:19-20):

 

·       Philippians 2:3–4 …in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

 

Trying to do this is very humbling. Jesus’ teachings accomplished the same:

 

·       Matthew 10:37–39 “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.

 

Quite humbling words, right! However, after we are humbled, He will lift us up and grant us self-acceptance by knowing His all-surpassing love:

 

·       Ephesians 3:19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

 

We are so blessed by his fullness that He has made us a conduit of His blessing to those who bless us:

 

·       Genesis 12:3 I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

 

The same principle had pertained to Isaac and all Israel:

 

·       Genesis 27:29 Let peoples serve you, and nations bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may your mother’s sons bow down to you. Cursed be everyone who curses you, and blessed be everyone who blesses you!” (Sodom; Gen. 18)

 

This promise also pertains to us. We too are channels of God’s blessings and curses to those associated with us

 

·       Mark 9:41 “For truly, I say to you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ will by no means lose his reward.” (Matthew 10:40-41)

 

·       1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

 

·       1 Corinthians 3:16-17 Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?  If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.

 

Therefore, we need not avenge ourselves, knowing that God will take care of the avenging. This enables us to simply love others and pray even for our enemies. Besides, we do not have to inflate our self-estimation or learn to love ourselves. Instead, our Savior will do that for us.