LONELINESS AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE

 

 

New findings regarding the prevalence of loneliness reflect the findings of many recent studies:

•       The results show that 25 percent of respondents between 15 and 18 years old feel "very lonely" or "fairly lonely."…among those aged 19 to 29, 27% reported “significant levels of loneliness.” Only 17% of those over 65 reported significant levels of loneliness. https://www.zerohedge.com/medical/one-four-young-people-world-feels-lonel
  

However, we might suspect that the 65+ group, with their greater incidence of physical isolation, the death of friends, loss of hearing, and mental awareness would make this group far more susceptible to loneliness.

Why then the greater prevalence of loneliness among the younger generation, especially now with their many ways to communicate and congregate? What resources does the 65+ group have that the younger groups lack?

Many explanations are brought forward to explain this. Some cite America’s legendary pioneering spirit and our emphasis on self-reliance. Others suggest that loneliness is a product of our frenetic pace. However, these explanations fail to explain the recent nose-dive in levels of intimacy, since we have always been self-reliant and frenetic!

Depression is strongly associated with loneliness. James Buie found that “Depression…for those born after 1950 is as much as twenty times higher than the incidence rate for those born before 1910” (Edward Welch, Depression: A Stubborn Darkness, 113). Again, what does the 65+ group have that the younger groups have lost?

I fear that I am going to say something now that will make most people stop reading. Despite their many liabilities, the 65+ group is far more inclined to have one thing that the younger folks generally lack—something that many older folks credit for transforming their lives—Jesus Christ!

You might ask, “How can Jesus cure the problem of loneliness apart from simply going to church?” When we know that we are beloved by Him, it doesn’t matter as much what others might think of us. Why? Knowing that we are valued and loved, we  no longer crave these affirmations from others.

This frees us to enjoy others and the company of others without worrying what they might think of us. We become less self-conscious and can toss aside our masks and our self-defeating strategies to win the approval of others.

Besides, it is not fun trying to relate to a mask, someone trying to prove themselves at the expense of others. I’ve been there and have known the desperate need to maintain an image of ourselves as happy, successful, worthy of love, and competent. But sometimes, we can feel so bad about ourselves, we feel uncomfortable allowing others to see us as we are. Saddled with self-despair, we’d rather isolate ourselves, even though at great personal cost.

Instead, if we know that God accepts us, we can begin to accept ourselves and even boast and joke about our faults and failures. By unmasking ourselves in this way is refreshing and even liberating for all involved. We thereby invite others into our lives by making them feel at home with us and even with themselves. They too can now remove their masks without fearing what others might think of them. Freedom can become infectious, while wearing a mask is often a barrier and a prescription for loneliness.

Instead of obsessively trying to promote ourselves, the love of God enables us to accept ourselves despite our many faults. Once we accept ourselves, we can become other-centered and accept others as they are. Once we are convinced that our Savior is centered on us, we can be centered on others. However, when we are centered on ourselves, we project subliminal signals that we seek affirmation. Eventually, this will drive would-be friends elsewhere.

When we seek from others what only can come from God, they will feel burdened by this “demand,” and will likely keep their distance. I wonder how many mass murderers have been driven by loneliness into anger, depression, and violence.

We are social beings who need close friends to love and be loved. However, sometimes it is beyond our strength to reach out to others, but our Lord knows of our suffering:

•       “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. For the LORD has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off,” says your God. (Isaiah 54:4–6)