Growth and Personal Change

 

 

Often what seems to be answers to our struggle to find peace, joy, love, and meaningful relationships is found to have hidden costs further down the road to self-betterment.

Jesus had warned about solutions that look good at first, even deliverance from the demonic:

 ·       Matthew 12:43–45 “When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first. So also will it be with this evil generation.”

What looks and feels good might prove costly. We might initially feel liberated from painful symptomology and face life with renewed confidence, as Jesus’ example illustrates. I had been excited that I had been able to plug into the spirit world through the Ouija Board. The spirits I had encountered seemed to be ready to relate to us in helpful ways, but when I began to see signs that not all was right, I was always ready to give them the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to believe that I now had new and powerful allies until it became abundantly clear that they weren’t friends but malicious deceivers who had almost led me into criminality.

I mention this because there are so many abused and hurting young people who are now naively seeking comfort and guidance from spirit beings. Even though they are aware of the presence and danger of “negative entities,” they have convinced themselves that they are intuitive enough to avoid and to protect themselves against their wiles. In need of their “love and protection,” they naively trust that their gods or goddesses will protect them, even as their relationships are falling apart as they walk in the darkness of demonic deception.

Another answer to our neediness and vulnerability is to learn to believe in ourselves. However, in order to learn to trust in ourselves, we have to sacrifice the truth about ourselves—our weaknesses and limitations—as Psychologist Harold Sacheim had acknowledged:

·       Through distortion, I may enhance my self-image, not because at heart I am insecure about my worth but because no matter how much I am convinced of my value, believing that I am better is pleasurable. Such self-deceptions may prove to be efficient in constructing or consolidating a solid and perhaps even ‘healthy’ identity.”

Psychologist Shelley E. Taylor also acknowledged that self-knowledge becomes a casualty of an inflated self-esteem:

·       “Those with an exaggerated sense of their own mastery tend to have inflated views of their self-worth and likelihood of future success. It is unusual to find a person who is so overly optimistic about the future but lacking in self-esteem or mastery, beliefs that would seem to be essential to the implementation of a rewarding future.” (Positive Illusions, 234)

Although this correlation might often be found, it ignores many other factors about the narcissistic personality and its lust to prove itself worthy, even more-so than others. Relationships are one casualty. As the narcissist begins to regard himself as king, the king demands that his wife be a queen and his children princes. When they are found unable to live up to such an exalted standard, criticism inevitably results.  

Having magnified himself, he continually seeks others to affirm his superior status. The narcissist always has to be right while everyone else is wrong. Discord is inevitable.

Does truth have to be abandoned in our quest to feel good and accomplished. Certainly not! Instead, truth and wisdom are necessary for whatever we manage well. We need to understand whatever we manage, whether it’s a matter of taking care of our car, home, or business. Consequently, truth wins out in the end, and their “successes” are only temporary.

Besides, to be self-deluded also results in a failure to truly understand everything else.  We are the lens through which we see all else. If our lens is soiled, our understanding is seriously distorted. An inflated self-esteem, lacking in self-examination, equates with blindness and an inadequate appreciation of others and their POVs. Consequently, we must appraise ourselves accurately:

Romans 12:3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment,

It is through this sober judgment about ourselves that we come to understand our utter moral inadequacy and our need for God and His wisdom:

2 Timothy 3:16–17 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

Consequently, God requires us to live in light of His truth:

Psalm 51:6 Behold, you [God] delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

It used to be broadly accepted that an inflated self-esteem was the cure for all that ails us. Instead, there is great value in learning to accept the dismal truths about ourselves—that we are sinners who desperately need the Savior. Once we humble ourselves to accept this, we will understand our need for the love and forgiveness of our Savior Jesus.

1 Peter 5:6–7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Once we learn the freeing lesson of humility and self-acceptance, we need to no longer wear a deceptive mask. We become transparent, self-accepting and optimally equipped for meaningful friendships.

Jesus: Luke 4:18 "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed.”

Recovery of sight and freedom are compatriots. With sight we can avoid shipwreck. Our relationships must be accompanied by understanding which embraces love:

John 4:23-24  “Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

Without this truth, which can only come from Christ, we doom ourselves to constantly trying to prove our value:

Luke 16:15 And he [Jesus] said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God.”

Luke 17:10 “So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.”

Psychologist Roy Baumeister: “For three decades, I and many other psychologists viewed [high] self-esteem as our profession’s Holy Grail: a psychological trait that would soothe most of individuals’ and society’s woes. We thought that high self-esteem would impart not only success, health, happiness, and prosperity to the people who possessed it, but also stronger marriages, higher employment, and greater educational attainment in the communities that supported it.”

Instead, the way up is the way down, facing the painful truths about ourselves. I don’t believe that we can do this on our own. We need Jesus to embrace us as we are taught to take baby steps into the light:

JAMES 4:8-10 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Self-acceptance requires a new identity as a child of Christ:

Galatians 2:20: I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

The lust for creating and  maintaining a high- rather than an accurate self-esteem is an addiction and a love of self-deception:

John 3:19–20 “And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.”

Our addiction to the darkness of self-deception is so great that I believe only Christ can cure it. Therefore: 

Matthew 6:33-34 …”seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

In Christ, we become his beloved children. We can now throw the weighty crown from our heads and toss this burden upon our Savior.