I am scheduled to teach at a pastor’s retreat and several
other venues. A few nights ago, I awoke paralyzed by fear. Would I become
fearful during my presentations? Would I flop and make a fool out of myself?
Would I spiral out-of-control into depression?
This is the materialistic perspective, the perspective from
below. It can be overwhelming, especially as we come to see that we do not have
what it takes to ensure positive pleasure/pain outcomes. We are inadequate, limited
beings, little more than passing vapors. We are self-absorbed and
self-affirming.
I know what it is like to only live with this perspective
from below. It is a stifling prison cell, a terror from which there is no
escape. It is shark, which will not let go, pulling me deeper under water, as I
grasp for a breath of fresh air.
In my fear, I cried out to the Lord like the Psalmist:
·
I sought the LORD, and he answered me and
delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their
faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and
saved him out of all his troubles. (Psalm
34:4-6; ESV)
The Lord is my escape from the prison of my fears. He
reminds me that I belong to Him, that I am serving Him, that it is no longer
about me and my adequacies, but Him alone. He has taken me by the hand. He surrounds
me with His love and assurances of His provisions.
How can I continue to breathe without this Divine
perspective? How can I get out of bed if my only hope is in myself? Without
Him, I am battered by the waves of life, thrust against the rocks.
I no longer want to be the captain of my own ship. I cannot
navigate it without a rudder. It is out of my control. Instead, I delight to know
that He is at the helm. I gladly go where He wants me to go, to speak when He
would have me speak.
My teachings are no longer mine. I serve Him alone. If I
fall, it is for Him. When I am crushed, I am confident that my Savior will
restore me, teaching and guiding me in the process. I trust in Him alone – what
freedom from myself:
·
Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you
hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will
receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on
earth that I desire besides you. My
flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion
forever. (Psalm 73:23-26)