We have been bred on the philosophy, “You got to believe in
yourself.” However, this belief is like an addiction to porn.
Let me try to explain. In order to believe in ourselves, we
have to see ourselves in a favorable way. This means that we have to inflate
our self-esteem. How do we do this? We feed ourselves on positive affirmations
and deny or suppress the negative.
Once we get the rush of thinking that we are superior, it is
hard to let go of it. Instead, we have to continually feed ourselves with
positive illusions in order to regain the initial rush. This means we will
become increasingly self-deluded as we pursue our mentally induced “high.”
So what? Don’t we need to think highly about ourselves? For
one thing, I don’t think that we are able to see the costs of this addiction.
If we fail to see our dark side, we will not be able to
stand against its power. And it is powerful. In The Significant Life, attorney George M. Weaver has presented many
examples of the power of the dark side – our overwhelming need for positive
affirmations:
•
Salvador Dali once said, “The thought of not
being recognized [is] unbearable”…Lady Gaga sings, “I live for the applause,
applause, applause…the way that you cheer and scream for me.” She adds in
another song, “yes we live for the Fame, Doin’ it for the Fame, Cuz we wanna
live the life of the rich and famous.” (7)
Writer Gore Vidal had been very transparent about the need –
the addiction – to continually prove his superiority:
•
“Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something
in me dies.” (58)
If we have become addicted to an inflated self-esteem, it is
an addiction that always needs to be fed. It is also an addiction of jealousy.
The more we are on the self-inflationary track, to more we
will become unable to receive corrective criticism. Why? We have trained
ourselves to only see the self-congratulatory messages, not the negative. These
bring us down, and we need to be
high.
In fact, our antennas become acutely attuned to negative
messages. On numerous occasions, when I had stated the simple Biblical
statement that we are all evil, people have become very defensive, even
aggressive. One husband slammed the table, protesting that his wife “is not a
sinner.” She then had to calm him down.
He needed to believe that his wife was superior to others,
and he was willing to fight to defend her “honor.” His reaction was extreme but
it also reflected the extent we will go to defend our or our family’s superior
virtue and worthiness.
In order to resist the power of the evil within, we need to
both see it, accept it, and stand against it. Believing in oneself opposes
these things. It is a drug that resists any true self-reflection. It also destroys
and resists humility.
Scripture often points to our blinding pride – our
overriding tendency to think too highly of ourselves. In Jesus’ letters to the
churches in the Book of Revelation, we read that those two churches that had
the highest regard for themselves were actually the worst:
•
“And to the angel of the church in Sardis write:
‘The words of him who has the seven spirits of God and the seven stars. “‘I
know your works. You have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake
up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die…’” (Revelation 3:1-2; ESV)
To the church at Laodicea, He writes:
•
For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I
need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and
naked. (Revelation 3:17)
These two churches had a high estimation of themselves, but
they were asleep and had blinded themselves to their true status before God.
They were commanded to “wake up” and to repent of their self-trust.
Refusal to see our
dark-side is reflected in so many ways. Recently, I went to a meeting of
people with emotional/mental problems. To encourage them, I claimed that we are
all damaged merchandise. (I didn't
add that we are damaged by sin.)
I was surprised to find that several objected to the very-obvious
idea that they are damaged. Some didn't like thinking of themselves this way
and actively resisted this idea.
Why? After all, they had joined a group which acknowledged
that they had emotional problems. Instead, two charged that I had offended
them. One fired back:
·
Speak for yourself. I never gave you the right
to speak for me.
I was surprised that I had "personally insulted"
him. But why such defensiveness? I had surmised that if he had truly accepted
himself, he wouldn't have reacted so strongly.
Instead, his reaction suggested that he was unwilling to
confront his sin-damaged self. This refusal would damn him to an unending
international struggle to suppress his dark-side, as it would continue to emerge,
fighting for the stage. This fight also would inevitably deprive him of peace
and rest. Besides, when we refuse to acknowledge this dark-side, we no longer
have the ability to keep it from stealing center-stage.
He embraced the secular hope - that we have within us the
ability to change and to give ourselves the necessary positive affirmations to
fuel our engine of transformation.
However, I offended him again. I suggested that believing
that we have the ability to transform ourselves just puts an extra burden on
our shoulders. When we find that we are unable, we feel doubly the failure.
I then concluded that we have, therefore, been created to
trust in God to do the heavy transformational lifting.
He quickly informed me that I had broken the rules:
·
You can't talk about God here. Not everybody
believes in God. If you want to say that the belief in God or the spaghetti
monster works for you, that's okay. But you are not allowed to tell me that God
must work for me or anyone else here.
God cannot be allowed to exist because He violates the house
rules! I guess that settles it.
However, this rule comes with a high price-tag. We can only
deny our dark-side and its Ultimate Answer but at great cost. It is like buttoning
our shirt by starting with the wrong button. Every other button will be out of
place.
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