In Thoughts without a Thinker: Psychotherapy from a
Buddhist Perspective, Mark Epstein, M.D. correctly argues that suffering
serves to force us to confront ourselves:
·
According to Buddhism, it is our fear at
experiencing ourselves directly that creates suffering. This has always seemed
very much in keeping with Freud’s views. As Freud put it, “the patient must
find the courage to direct his attention to the phenomena of his illness. His
illness itself must no longer seem to him contemptible, but must become an
enemy worthy of his mettle, a piece of his personality, which has solid ground
for its existence and out of which things of value for his future life have to
be derived. The way is thus paved for the reconciliation with the repressed material,
which is coming to expression in his symptoms, while at the same time place is
found for a certain tolerance for the state of being ill.”
I think that Epstein is correct about fearing to face
ourselves, but why? Epstein, Buddhism, and modern psychology understand our
denial of our true self as psychopathology. Understandably, to address it is to
see it, to drag it from the unconscious into the light. However, we were the
ones who had buried it in the unconscious. What must change for us to restore
it? Perhaps the repressed material is too threatening.
From a Biblical standpoint, at its core repression is a
flight from God, our moral culpability, and our deserved punishment (Romans
1:32). The rest of our repressed material is the earth we shovel back to cover
the coffin. This prospect is so threatening we cannot simply tell ourselves, “I
don’t believe in any of this stuff. I will just laugh at any accusations and
live the way I want.” Instead, human history is the story of our attempt to
further cover the coffin with attempts to prove our goodness and worthiness.
We should not be surprised that the religions of the world
offer us alternative ways to address our unshakable sense of semi-conscious
threat. As a result, some religions require us to make offerings to the many
gods we might have offended. Other religions require us to live up to certain
moral standards so we can reassure ourselves that “I am okay and entitled to
enjoy life.” However, these offerings and virtuous acts are never enough to
address the threats and our need to obsessively prove that we are good and worthy.
Therefore, we remain unable to fully face and to accept ourselves for who we
are.
This contradicts Freud’s expectation that once we become
aware of what has been suppressed, the “way is thus paved for the
reconciliation” of our discordant parts. However, Freud’s expectation seems to
fail to engage the compelling reasons why we had repressed this material and
remain in dread of it.
We cannot completely suppress what we have consigned to the
unconscious (Romans 1:18-20; 2:14-16). As a result, we spend the rest of our
lives struggling painfully to cover the coffin and to prove to ourselves and to
the world that we are good and worthy. This struggle to obsessively prove our
self-worth is so life-consuming that we will even kill to defend our “honor,”
the image and mask we have crafted for ourselves.
This drama is most graphically portrayed in the account of
the Fall. Adam and Eve disobeyed God and succumbed to the temptation of eating
from the forbidden tree:
·
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for
food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be
desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some
to her husband who was with her, and he ate. (Genesis 3:6 ESV)
Then they were overcome by guilt and shame. Instead of
humbling themselves to ask for God’s mercy, they decided to handle the problem
themselves by sewing fig leaves together in a desperate attempt to cover their
shame.
Today we have more sophisticated ways to cover our shame and
the terror of being revealed. We give ourselves a steady diet of positive
self-talk, accumulate positive affirmations from others, wear designer clothing,
join the right groups, earn PHDs, other accolades, money, and power.
Fearing exposure, Adam and Eve then foolishly tried to hide
from God, who gave them several chances to confess their sin. However, they
continued to hide it through a series of deceptive half-truths:
·
But the Lord God called to the man and said to
him, "Where are you?" And he said, "I heard the sound of you in
the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself." He
said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of
which I commanded you not to eat?" The man said, "The woman whom you
gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate." Then the
Lord God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The
woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." (Genesis 3:9-13)
They also blame-shifted. Adam subtlety blamed God for “the
woman you gave...me,” and Eve blamed the serpent. Neither
confessed, “I am the guilty party.”
In view of their continued denial, God delivered His verdict
- death and separation from God and His Garden. Nevertheless, they remained in
denial. Adam named his wife “Eve,” the “mother of life” instead of the “mother
of death.” Even when they were banished from the Garden, they did not offer a
hint of protest. Instead, we are left with the impression that they were happy
to escape the penetrating and convicting presence of God.
This has been the history of mankind, not just of those who
have been afflicted with a form of “psychopathology.” We perceive in humankind
the very same devices that Adam and Eve had used to shield themselves from the
threat of God and eventually to flee from His presence.
Epstein and Freud understood that any effort we exert to
suppress self-awareness would cause suffering, but they failed to understand
the nature of the suppressed material. Therefore, they mistakenly thought that
if they could just bring it to the surface where it could be resolved, and the
sufferer could be freed.
I have met several courageous individuals who have been able
to confront part of their dark side - their sins and their many devices
to compensate - their arrogance and self-righteousness. I call them
“courageous” and applaud them because this is a very painful but needful process.
However, they fail to go to the ultimate source of their problem, the fact that
they deserve the Almighty God’s righteous judgement.
Such an awareness is simply too terrifying, so terrifying
that it causes us to hate the God and to suppress any awareness of Him. No set
of exercises can correct this problem, nothing short of divine intervention.
Instead:
·
Jesus answered him, "Truly, truly, I say to
you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." (John
3:3)
Without the mercy of God, no one will perceive and come to
Him. C.S. Lewis compared this to a mouse searching for a cat. It just will not
happen.
Nevertheless, God gave a token of His mercy to Adam and Eve by
replacing their useless fig leaves for a covering of animal skins, revealing to
them that our deserved judgement would fall upon others. He also promised them
that from the seed of the woman would come forth a man who would eventually
destroy the source of evil (Genesis 3:15).
However, for the time being, evil would abound. Cain killed
his brother Abel because God had been pleased with Abel’s offering but not
Cain’s. Evidently, God’s displeasure had been an offense to Cain’s self-esteem
and self-righteousness. God had even shared His wise counsel with Cain, but
Cain had disregarded it.
Real change cannot be achieved through mindfulness
meditation, psychotherapy, or through any other practice. The history of
humanity testifies to this. Instead, change must come from Above:
·
“I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you
shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will
cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put
within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a
heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in
my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.” (Ezekiel 36:25-27)
In contrast to this, we prefer to believe that we can become
virtuous by acting virtuously. We embrace a variety of superficial answers. One
of my esteemed professors likened this to re-positioning the Titanic’s deck
chairs as the ship was going down. Instead, the answer has to address the core
problem. We need to be reconciled with our Creator.
How do we know that it is this problem that underlies
our attempts to avoid ourselves? Well, for one thing, this is what the Bible
reveals. But what if you do not believe in the Bible? Our rebellion against God
can be perceived in other ways – the way that we can detect that presence of
boulders in the river by observing the ripples they create. What, then, are the
ripples which our rebellion against God creates?
1.
We hurt and deny ourselves because we realize
that we are not worthy. Self-harm or deprivation is a means to regain a sense
of worthiness, even for a short time. How? By administering the punishment we know
that we deserve. Why can we not simply say to ourselves, “I don’t care about
proving my worthiness?” We cannot because we know that we are unworthy!
2.
We hate a God who we know will judge us!
Why can’t we just laugh at such an “absurd idea?” Because we know that
it is true!
3.
We find substitutes – drugs, sex, attainments,
power respect, adoration, good deeds, popularity, and money - to cover over our
feelings of unworthiness. Why should we even feel unworthy unless we intuit
that we are liable to judgment for our sins!
4.
Why do these substitutes never satisfy? Why
cannot we ever arrive to a resting place of peace? Because they do not address
the fundamental issue of our alienation from God!
5.
Why do we hate self-righteous people? Because
they make us feel unrighteous in comparison! For the same reason, we flee from
criticism because this tells us that we are unworthy, something that we cannot
tolerate. We therefore seek to surround ourselves by those who tell us good
things about ourselves, and yet, we remain insatiable.
6.
Why has Western culture rejected its Christian
roots and experience a distaste for Christians? Because we know that their
presence contradicts our self-confidence!
7.
We have an awareness of God, as the history of
humanity has emphatically demonstrated. As a result, the world religions have
developed means so that we can feel worthy of God.
These ripples all provide evidence that we are aware of God and
try to hide from Him as did Adam and Eve amid a bush. Perhaps we need to come
out from our bush and ask our Creator what He wants of us! If we do this, we
will find that He only wants us to become His beloved by embracing the truths
of what we had long repressed.
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