FEELING GOOD

Feeling good now takes precedence over thinking accurately. Universities have caved to the pressures by creating safe places for students to avoid exposure to conflicting ideas. Political correctness has displaced questions of truth and open discussion. Comfortable and insulated self-delusion is often the refuge provided by the psychotherapist. According to Psychology Today:

·       Self-esteem is one thing. But many psychologists have been preaching the gospel of self-delusion. They argue it's actually healthy to think more highly of yourself than reality warrants.

·       There's nothing wrong with feeling good about oneself, of course. But when self-perception races ahead of reality, the likely result is a socially inept misfit, warns Northeastern University's C. Randall Colvin.

Colvin’s study concluded:

·       "Self-enhancers tend to be hostile, lack social skills, and appear anxious and moody…They are sensitive to criticism and keep people at a distance -- perhaps so that they don't get negative feedback that might alter their overly positive view. They are trying to hide their flaws from themselves."

·       "Positive self-esteem is good…But the context has to be based on reality. Knowing that imperfections exist is the first step to improving yourself."

The price for acquiring a heightened, feel-good self-esteem might be more costly than suspected. Based upon this study, Psychology Today concluded:

·       All this suggests that artificially propping up someone's self-esteem may provide a temporary mental boost -- but in the long run stunts their social and personal well-being. (reviewed June 9, 2016)

This is not just the finding of one study, but of many, for example:

·       In one study of nearly a million high school seniors, 70 percent said they had “above average leadership skills, but only 2 percent felt their leadership skills were below average.” Another study found that 94 percent of college professors think they do above average work. And in another study, “when doctors diagnosed their patients as having pneumonia, predictions made with 88 percent confidence turned out to be right only 20 percent of the time.”

·       25% of college students placed themselves in the top 1%, relative to their ability to get along with others.

·       84% of Medical Residents thought that Doctors influenced by gifts from pharmaceutical companies, but only 15% of the respondents thought that they would be so influenced.

·       Psychologist Shelley Taylor writes, “Normal people exaggerate how competent and well liked they are. Depressed people do not. Normal people remember their past behavior with a rosy glow. Depressed people are more even-handed…On virtually every point on which normal people show enhanced self-regard, illusions of control, and unrealistic visions of the future, depressed people fail to show the same biases.” (Positive Illusions, p.214)

We don’t suffer from a low self-esteem but an inflated and costly one. The more we inflate ourselves, the more we need to endlessly justify our inflated esteem and to maintain our façade, which reads, “Keep out. Truth is not welcome here.”

It gets worse. In many cases, our entire worldview, our view of reality is being consumed by the need to feel good. For example, the late Margot Adler, a new-ager and self-proclaimed Pagan, explained the appeal of Paganism:

·       “They had become Pagans because they could be themselves and act as they chose, without what they felt were medieval notions of sin and guilt. Others wanted to participate in rituals rather than observe themselves.” (Drawing Down the Moon)

Pagans/polytheists find a single truth and a monotheistic God too imperialistic or coercive. Such a God, a Creator, requires us to live by His requirements. Hence, we experience sin and guilt when we refuse.

In contrast, paganism allows us to pick-and-choose among many different gods or spirits. It also gives us the freedom to believe what we want. This puts us in the driver's seat, according to Adler:

·       Polytheism is…characterized by plurality…and is eternally in unresolvable conflict with social monotheism, which in its worst form is fascism and in its less destructive forms is imperialism, capitalism, feudalism and monarchy.”

Truth and monotheism deprive us of our autonomy. Therefore, they defy the spirit of our age where everything is permissible as long as it feels good. This is the world of moral relativism, in which polytheism exerts its appeal. Adler quoted a pagan priestess affirmatively:

·       It seems like a contradiction to say that I have a certain subjective truth; I have experienced the Goddess, and this is my total reality. And yet I do not believe that I have the one, true, right, and only way. Many people cannot understand how I find Her a part of my reality and accept the fact that your reality might be something else. But for me, this is in no way a contradiction, because I am aware that my reality and my conclusions are a result of my unique genetic structure, my life experience and my subjective feelings…This recognition that everyone has different experiences is a fundamental keystone to Paganism; it’s the fundamental premise that whatever is going on out there is infinitely more complex than I can ever understand. And that makes me feel very good.”

Why should this perplexing world make her "feel very good?" Well, in this truth-less pagan world, no one can tell her that she's wrong. No place for guilt or sin!

Despite this costly escapism, we need to feel that we are a “somebody.” Do we have an alternative to self-deceit, the positive affirmations of our goodness, or the relentless pursuit of success and respect? The Apostle Paul argued that what we ultimately need is found in a relationship where truth is wedded to our psychological needs:                           

·       But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death. (Philippians 3:7-9)

Paul was not arguing that his attainments were rubbish. Instead, trusting in their merit before God was rubbish. Considering himself more deserving than others, because of his attainments, was rubbish and also self-deception.

I have found that the truth is painful. It is therefore no surprise that we wear a feel-good mask to keep reality at bay and others from seeing us as we really are.

I can now face myself and let others see me, but this is only because of the assurance that God, the Creator of all reality, loves me and has proved it by dying for me.