THE WORD - HATED AND ADORED

The Bible is increasingly maligned in the West, the ungrateful benefactor of the many blessings that have been derived from this book. Meanwhile, many in today’s Church act as if its teachings are not relevant to their lives.

However decades of depression followed by years of panic attacks have taught me otherwise. Nothing had been able to even put a dent into my suffering - not any of my many lifestyle changes, psychologists, meds, or relationships. I was a lost cause.

Even after Christ had gotten ahold of me, things got worse. My depression was now joined by panic attacks. I never imagined that it was possible to suffer so much, and didn’t know if I could make it from one day to the next. 

My fledgling faith was of little help. Although I knew that the Bible claimed that God loved me and forgave my sins, I was unable to believe it. The terror that I was experiencing mocked my faith and sent it packing. I doubted that I’d ever be able to believe in Jesus again. I was crying out for a solid place to stand, but none seemed to be available.

Nevertheless, there was nowhere else to turn, no other unexplored hope. Jesus had been my last resort. I had nowhere else to go, even though I could hardly believe that He loved me.

However, Jesus wouldn’t let go of me. A number of miraculous events convinced me of His love, but events do not last for long and memories begin to fade. However, Scripture does not:

• The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. (Isaiah 40:8 ESV)

I found this to be very true as the Holy Spirit, over the next years, began to illuminate the Scriptures for me in the most profound ways. I began to understand that if Christ had died for my sins, having paid the supreme price, He would certainly guard His investment by protecting all who would come to Him (Romans 10:12-13; John 6:37):

• God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life! (Romans 5:8-10)

He died for me while I was His enemy. Now that I was His friend, I was assured that He would not allow anything to separate us. However, I was suffering worse than anything I could imagine. How then could He possibly love me? If He loved me, He would bless me, right? Instead, I felt condemned. However, Scripture reassured me, again through the Spirit, that my feelings of condemnation were only my feelings. I found that the truths of the Scriptures were able to combat my feelings:

• There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2)

It didn’t feel this way, but I gradually became convinced that if Christ died for me, He would want to maximize its purchase-power of His death by saving all who would come to Him. This meant that my feelings of condemnation were coming from me and not from God.

However, I was still convinced that God could never make use of someone as broken as I. Again, God’s Word contradicted my fears to inform me that I no longer had to carry the weight of my damaged self. Instead, I now belonged to God, and He would carry me through:

·       I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

The battle and its outcome no longer belonged to me but to my Savior. This verse had become my “Declaration of Freedom.” However, I still had to deal with the reality of my infirmities and weaknesses. Once again, God’s Word rushed to my assistance, as the truth that was setting me free (John 8:31). It showed me that my weaknesses are actually my strengths, as Paul had also learned:

·       But he [God] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

I learned that in Christ, there are no failures or even negatives, since He works all things for our good (Romans 8:28). Everything serves a purpose in the hands of our Savior, who is able to use the manure of our lives to grow the most fragrant roses.

Gradually, I came to know who my Savior is, and this knowledge has become my greatest treasure (Colossians 2:1-4). How so? I still have an impatient, nervous, and anxious personality. But now I know something I had never known before. No matter the disappointments that I must endure, I know that God loves me, will never leave me and will bring me home to be with Him for all eternity.

The world might hate my Lord and His Word, but I now know that I have a treasure.  As a Zen Buddhist, late psychiatrist, M. Scott Peck, wrote the esteemed best-seller, The Road Less Traveled. Fifteen years later, he wrote Further Along the Road Less Traveled to bring us up to date with his spiritual pilgrimage. Peck had been observing that his Christian patients were improving no matter the severity of their condition. This opened his eyes to the reality of Jesus and His Word. He therefore wrote:

·       The quickest way for you to change your attitude toward pain is to accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth.

·       Now what better news can there be than we cannot lose, we are bound to win? We are guaranteed winners once we realize that everything that happens to us has been designed to teach us what we need to know on our journey.

The Scriptures have convinced me that I too am bound to win.