DISAPPOINTMENT WITH GOD

I have been so distressed to hear the many testimonies of young people who have left the church and its faith. So many of these testimonies involve a simple equation: Their expectations about God and His promises have not measured up to the reality of their lives. They have lamented:

·       I prayed and trusted, but God didn’t answer my prayers.

·       I asked for His guidance, but He always remained silent.

·       I was confident that He had led me into my marriage, but He clearly did not. My wife took off with another man. I can no longer trust Him; nor do I want to.

My story had been similar. I was trying to follow Christ the best I could, but it wasn’t good enough. I became overwhelmed with depression and panic attacks, and God refused to answer my prayers. I couldn’t understand why He was allowing me to suffer so. He promised me His comfort, but it seemed that everyone else had more comfort than I. He promised to love me, but I felt totally unloved, unlovable, and utterly rejected. He promised that He would never leave me, but I felt entirely abandoned. From my perspective, the Christian life was a huge fraud.

If I had a viable alternative, I would have turned away, but I didn’t have one. I had already tried out every promising option, and each had all failed me. Either God would somehow come through for me or I was finished.

His silence convinced me of either of two things. Either I was so worthless that God wouldn’t waste His time with me, or God didn’t exist, and everything that I had experienced was just a matter of self-deception.

However, since I had nowhere else to turn, I began to read the Psalms and found that the Psalmists had the same problems. David had complained:

·       How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? (Psalm 13:1-2)

This Psalm made me think. David had been the man “after God’s own heart,” and yet he suffered such torment. His God had promised David that He would never leave him, and that He would establish an everlasting kingdom through his descendent. How then could David feel so forsaken? Clearly, he had been praying to God, but God didn’t seem to be answering him, and it wasn’t because He had rejected David. Perhaps He hadn’t rejected me?

Many of the Psalmists also complained that their suffering didn’t match up with their glowing expectations based on God’s promises. This was also true for His Chosen People, the Nation of Israel.  The Psalmist Ethan reviewed God’s glorious promises to King David:

·       “I [God] will maintain my love to him [David] forever, and my covenant with him will never fail…I will not violate my covenant or alter what my lips have uttered…that his line will continue forever and his throne endure before me like the sun; it will be established forever like the moon, the faithful witness in the sky." (Psalm 89:28-37)

However, by the next verse, Ethan’s tone dramatically changed. Now, he began to accuse God of unfaithfulness:

·       But you have rejected, you have spurned, you have been very angry with your anointed one. You have renounced the covenant with your servant and have defiled his crown in the dust. You have broken through all his walls and reduced his strongholds to ruins…O Lord, where is your former great love, which in your faithfulness you swore to David? (Psalm 89:38-40)

According to Ethan, God had betrayed His people and had reneged on His promises. Israel’s present degraded status failed to measure up to what their God had promised them. Ethan seemed to be rejecting the faith of his Father’s.

I was drawn into this perplexing drama. It seemed that I wasn’t alone. The Psalmists also felt betrayed by their God, who had failed to live up to His promises.

The Psalmist Asaph had also felt betrayed by God. It was apparent to him that the arrogant enemies of God were living far better than the righteous. He therefore complained:

·       Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. (Psalm 73:13) 

According to Asaph, it had been a disappointment to serve God. However, these Psalmists had been the exemplars of the faith, and they were concluding that their faith had been a waste of time, just like the testimonies of those youth who had departed from the faith.

Even the Messiah claimed that His Father had abandoned Him:

·       Psalm 22:1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?

However, we know that this abandonment had only been temporary. By the end of the Psalm, He proclaimed that this “abandonment” had not been the end of the story:

·       For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help. (Psalm 22:24)

Was there a lesson here for me? Perhaps I too had failed to see the big picture. Perhaps I was suffering from myopia. Did the Psalmist Ethan resolve His conflict with God? He simply concluded:

·       Praise be to the LORD forever! Amen and Amen. (Psalm 89:52)

It doesn’t seem that Ethan was able to see the big picture – that God would once again exalt His nation and show Himself faithful to His covenant, His promises to David. However, it does seem that he had concluded that there was more to the picture than what he was presently able to see.

Perhaps there was more to my suffering than what I was able to see. Perhaps my Savior had secretly been loving me in the midst of my tears, and even suffering along with me (Hebrews 4:15).

However, the Psalmist Asaph was subsequently blessed with a revelation. He entered the Temple and was shown the big picture – the prospering of the arrogant and the suffering of the righteous were only temporary. After this revelation, he gratefully proclaimed:

·       I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:22-26)

Asaph had not been able to contemplate any possible resolution for his conflict. The arrogant were prospering and the righteous were suffering. However, he had been shown otherwise. He had been enabled to see beyond his limited experiences and observations.

Perhaps also there was something that I was missing. Perhaps there was a purpose for my suffering as there had been for Asaph’s. Perhaps I was demanding too much – an immediate understanding about what I was suffering.

Perhaps also those who had left the church were also expecting too much. Perhaps they weren’t ready for the big picture of God’s plan. Perhaps, instead, God was requiring them to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7).

Why do some persevere and continue to look towards God, even in their perplexity, while others leave? I cannot answer this question. I just pray that they will return to our only possible Hope.

Meanwhile, I thank God for what I had suffered. I liken myself to the Psalmist David who confessed:

·       It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold. (Psalm 119:71-72)

TRUSTING HIM TO ILLUMINATE MY UNDERSTANDING

Interpreting the Bible is not simply a lot of hard work. It is also a matter of trust and reliance upon our Lord. This is what Paul communicated to Timothy:

·       Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything. (2 Timothy 2:7; ESV)

It wasn’t enough for Timothy to merely “think over” the Scripture Paul had written (1 Thess. 2:13). He also had to rely upon the Lord who would illuminate Scripture to give him understanding.

This was the very thing that our Lord had done for His fearful Apostles:

·       Then he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures, and said to them, “Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead. (Luke 24:45-46)

We need our Savior to impart His truths to our minds. I, therefore, pray for this before I teach and write. There is no greater joy than knowing that we are walking in His light.

I no longer trust myself to understand His Word. Instead, I trust in Him to correct me when I am going astray:

·       Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. (Philippians 3:15)

Knowing that I cannot provide the light to illuminate my path, I gladly trust in Him.

ATTAINING WISDOM

Wisdom and knowledge are precious gifts:

·       Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path; for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you, delivering you from the way of evil, from men of perverted speech. (Proverbs 2:9-12; ESV)

From where does wisdom come? The preceding verses in Proverbs explain:

·       If you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints. (Proverbs 2:3-8)

Wisdom and knowledge are truly sweet. Today, I was observing birds flying back-and-forth, against the wind and with it. They soared and dived in what seemed to be an effortless display of ease.

The wind was so fierce that I could hardly ride my bike against it, yet these birds were clearly reveling in its fierceness. Despite their diminutive size, they seemed to navigate the wind without a hitch. What knowledge did they have that I lacked? Whatever this knowledge was, they were able to convert what I had experienced as a major obstacle into a source of pleasure.

The wisdom that comes from God also enables us to fruitfully navigate the winds of life. Why then isn’t everyone pursuing wisdom?

Wisdom comes with a price-tag. Wisdom requires that, in order to receive her, we must step out into the light of self-examination, something that few are willing and able to do. Proverbs informs us that wisdom comes with a rebuke. It tells us what is wrong with ourselves:

·       “How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge? If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you.” (Proverbs 1:22-23)

I too hated knowledge. I couldn’t bear to see myself as I truly was. Instead, I too was a “scoffer.” I built myself up by subtly putting others down. I caused pain but had convinced myself that I was entitled to do this.

I certainly wasn’t open to wisdom’s “reproof.” Instead, I wanted to be complemented not disparaged. While I wanted wisdom (and even had convinced myself that I had wisdom), it was unattainable as long as I continued to love the darkness and hid from the light.

Why do we have to go through pain to acquire wisdom? If we cannot see ourselves, we cannot see anyone else. If we refuse to understand ourselves, how are we going to understand others? If we are blind to ourselves, then we remain blind to everything else! Why? Because we are the lens through which we see life! If the lens remains dirty, it will obscure everything we attempt to see.

How did my blindness turn into sight? My Savior had to humble me, showing me how pathetic I had been and how He was my only hope:

·       Toward the scorners he is scornful, but to the humble he gives favor. The wise will inherit honor, but fools get disgrace. (Proverbs 3:34-35)

He had to first break me in order to heal me. If we want wisdom, we have to first pray that God will show us how in need we are of His wisdom. I had to be utterly broken in order to see the light and to come to the light:

·       The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor. (Proverbs 15:31-33)

No pain, no gain. King David recognized this fact and confessed:

·       It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces. (Psalm 119:71-72)

By His precious mercies, I can now say the same thing.

WHEN UNDERSTANDING FAILS US

What can we do when it seems that God has failed us? When our loved ones are afflicted and die long before their time? When God could easily heal a faithful servant and doesn’t? Even when he allows them to commit suicide? When we these kinds of things happening, we feel betrayed and wonder whether we can really trust this God.

It might surprise you to learn that even the Saints of Israel had a problem with God. The Psalmist complained that God had betrayed the covenant He had made with David:

• But you [God] have rejected, you have spurned, you have been very angry with your anointed one [David]. You have renounced the covenant with your servant and have defiled his crown in the dust. You have broken through all his walls and reduced his strongholds to ruins… O Lord, where is your former great love, which in your faithfulness you swore to David? (Psalm 89:38-40)

Another Psalmist complained that it was useless to serve God, seeing that the unrighteous thrived better than the righteous:

• Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. (Psalm 73:13) 

Of course, Job, after losing everything, had his own complaints against God:

• "Although I am blameless, I have no concern for myself; I despise my own life. It is all the same; that is why I say, 'He [God] destroys both the blameless and the wicked.' When a scourge brings sudden death, he [God] mocks the despair of the innocent. When a land falls into the hands of the wicked, he [God] blindfolds its judges. If it is not he, then who is it?” (Job 9:21-24)

From the narrow vantage point of his experience, it seemed that God acts unjustly in every way:

• All was well with me, but he [God] shattered me; he seized me by the neck and crushed me. He has made me his target; his archers surround me. Without pity, he [God] pierces my kidneys and spills my gall on the ground. Again and again he bursts upon me; he rushes at me like a warrior…yet my hands have been free of violence and my prayer is pure. (Job 16:12-17)

From Job’s limited perspective, he was sure that he didn’t deserve the way that God had treated him. Instead, he was sure that God was guilty of unfaithfulness. However, Job placed too much trust in his own thinking. This became clear to him after God had revealed Himself and asked Job a long series of questions that Job couldn’t even begin to answer.

Job got the point. If he couldn’t answer one of these easy questions, how could he bring charges against God! Consequently, Job repented:

• "I am unworthy (“vile” NKJV)--how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer--twice, but I will say no more." (Job 40:4-5)

• “You [God] asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know…My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." (Job 42:3-6) 

The Psalmist had placed too much trust in his understanding, in the limited spectrum of life that he was able to observe. However, God had given him a revelation that changed all that:

• But when I thought how to understand this [the flourishing of the unrighteous], it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. (Psalm 73:16-17)

God had enabled the Psalmist to see the big picture, and he was mightily blessed:

• When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you.  Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:21-26)

However, the Psalmist of Psalm 89, who had accused God of renouncing His covenant with David, didn’t receive an answer, at least as far as we know. After unloading on God, he nevertheless concludes the Psalm:

• Lord, where is your steadfast love of old, which by your faithfulness you swore to David?... Blessed be the LORD forever! Amen and Amen. (Psalm 89:49, 52)
  

Although sorely disappointed, the Psalmist’s only hope remained with the Lord. He therefore blessed Him, refusing to place his trust in his own understanding.

Discouragement is the lot of God’s servants. There are going to be times when His ways do not make any sense to us. However, the wise servant will not place too much trust in what he sees and understands. Perhaps we trust too much in our wisdom, and perhaps our trust in misplaced. Perhaps we just need to reaffirm our trust in a God who alone is our hope, knowing that there will be times when understanding will surely fail us.