WEAKNESS, FAILURE, FRUSTRATION, AND DESPAIR

 


Many are sold-out for Jesus, but we despair over our weakness and failure to overcome our fleshly afflictions (Romans 7:24-25; Galatians 5:17).  Consequently, we wonder, “What is wrong?” and despair even of our trust in our Savior.

However, Jesus assures us that this struggle is normal for the Christian, even blessed:

•    Matthew 5:3–6 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.”

Our frustrations and despair with ourselves is the process of dying to the self and living for God. This leads us to prayer, thanksgiving, and rejoicing! In what? That we can no longer trust in ourselves but to Christ alone, our only hope:

•    1 Corinthians 1:28–31 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

Why then do we hope and boast in Jesus? Because He is our only hope and the One who loves us. Consequently, we want to be like Him and to devote ourselves fully to Him, but how? We need to adopt a new way of thinking, through which we see that our brokenness, disdained by the world, but is beautiful before God:

•    Psalm 34:18–19 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all.

The marines might be looking for “a few good men,” but the Lord esteems the broken-hearted and draws close to us:

•    Psalm 51:16–17 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Our offering to God is our neediness and self-despair. Since this is the last thing that we want surrender, our Lord has to nurture neediness within us:

•    2 Corinthians 4:7–11 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

If we want to be like Jesus, we are coerced to trust in Him through our suffering and self-despair. We are forced to walk on the water as He had, terrified with each step. We are required to give up what is most valuable to us, as Abraham was required to sacrifice Isaac and as the Father sacrificially sacrificed His beloved Son.

However, we cannot do this on our own. Even the Apostle Paul required God’s help. Because of the many revelations he had received, pride stood knocking at his door. To drive pride away, God allowed Satan to afflict Paul with a “thorn in the flesh.” It must have been painful or even life-controlling. Therefore, Paul petitioned God repeatedly to take it away. However, God answered:

•    2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Paul would have to accept his weaknesses and afflictions so that the power of God would rest upon Him. We also must do this and even boast about our failures and insecurities, blessings in disguise!

 

HATRED, SCRIPTURE, AND CHANGED LIVES

Some say that Christ doesn’t make a difference – that Christians act the same way as others and that Christ doesn’t change lives. However, I know otherwise!

Anger and hatred are hurricanes that have the power to sweep away every defense. They are tyrants that override reason and even self-interest. Yet, I know that hatred is wrong. I even know that it torments its prey, tearing it apart.

I saw the hatred that was consuming me, but I seemed to be powerless against it. Even its “arguments” were persuasive. They felt so right. Hatred placed its own lens over my eyes, and I saw only red.

However, I remembered the Word of God:

•  Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good… Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them… Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:9, 14, 16 -21; ESV)

His Word came upon me with such force and conviction that it drove the hatred entirely away, the bully yelping helplessly as it fled. Instead, I was left rejoicing at the great privilege to love others, to “overcome evil with good.”

No wonder Scripture informs us that loving God is about embracing and obeying His teachings:

•  If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. (John 15:10-14)

Keeping His teachings is our cure, our protective shield and the source of blessings. It even rescues us from ourselves:

·       Only be strong and very courageous [Joshua], being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. (Joshua 1:7-8)

No wonder that we are instructed to “meditate on it day and night.”

I am a man of many flaws, and they can be deeply troubling. However, I have learned something of even greater significance – that our Lord brings strength out of our ongoing weaknesses, even Paul’s:

• Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this [affliction], that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

I too have learned to boast in my weaknesses. They continue to humble me, tromping upon my pride, drawing me closer to my Savior through His Word, which ministers so powerfully to me, through His blessed Spirit.

Yes, I continue to battle against my inner demons, and yet I am changed – a new creation! It is also through my weaknesses that I praise Him, all the more gladly and confidently.

A Captive’s Confession

Today, as a read in highly favorable review of Kevin DeYoung’s latest book in World Magazine, I was reminded of my past. While today I delighted in this review, it had not always been this way. In the past, even in my Christian past, jealousy and resentment would have tormented me and, sadly, even seduced me. “Why couldn’t that review have been about my book,” I would have fretted.

Jealousy had been an ugly deceiving companion. Even as a Christian, I had delighted in showing other Christians how little they knew – a dark form of one-ups-man-ship. Nevertheless, I had convinced myself that I was being a good Christian, exposing their over-confidence. Actually, I was merely parading my own sin, and deep within, I knew it. I felt alienated and filthy, but it required years for the ugliness of my sin to come into focus.

Meanwhile, this canker and the resulting feelings of alienation caused me to hate church. As I gradually came to perceive the sin and its ugliness, it had already progressed to stage four. I repeatedly struggled against it, but it had metastasized throughout mind and heart. It had become stronger than my ability to cope with it and left me feeling like a complete hypocrite, totally unworthy of serving of Savior. Shame tied me up into a psychological strait-jacket. I lived in the shadows lest anyone would see me.

How can I now admit this to you? Well, I’ve learned many important truths along the way that now sustain me. For one thing, we are all helpless sinners who need the Savior. Our righteousness is like filthy rags. However, He has made us stand by freely granting us the gift of His own righteousness. If He accepts me, I can begin to accept myself with all of my failings and to be transparent about them, even boasting in them (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

However, His grace did not stop there. So often, I had prayed that He would make me like Him without seeing any results, even after years. But I found that growth is like a seedling that would suddenly, even imperceptibly, make its appearance long after I had tired of looking for it.

I now delight in the spiritual triumphs of others and enjoy church. How did this happen? It is a mystery to me, explainable only by grace. Do I still have those thoughts? Indeed, but now I am convinced that there is something greater than my own successes and glory – the glory of God and His work! Seeking His glory now trumps any other considerations, and I thank God for this glorious and liberating gift.

What do we do when we see that we are still controlled by sin? Trust that He is in the process of liberating us! It is His will to do so:

• To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Our Doubts and Neediness Do not Cut us off from God

 

Do I have enough faith? Am I confident enough that the Lord will answer my prayers? Will my doubts prevent me from receiving anything from the Lord?

These are just a few of the many doubts that plague us. However, we are in good company. The Psalmist, King David, also doubted the Lord:

• In my alarm I said, “I am cut off from your sight!” (Psalm 31:24)

David had given up on the Lord. But this wasn’t the end of the story:

• …Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help. (31:24)

Our deliverance doesn’t depend upon us – the level of our faith, confidence, assurance, or anything else about ourselves. It depends on God alone! Despite David’s lapse of faith, God “heard” and delivered him.

What a relief that we do not have to continually scrutinize ourselves – our degree of faith or doubt! Although we have to examine ourselves regarding sin, we do not have to obsess about whether we have enough faith.

Jesus’ disciples had obsessed about this. They thought that faith was a matter of quantity, and they wanted more of it. They asked their Lord to increase their faith (Luke 17:5).

However, Jesus explained that it wasn’t a matter of quantity. Instead, if they had the smallest measure of faith, they could move mountains and mulberry trees!

Rather, faith was a matter of quality. The disciples had to understand that they couldn’t earn anything from the Lord - not blessings, not even a “thank you.” They couldn’t place faith in their own merit or worthiness or even in the level of their faith. They all were, at best, “unworthy” servants. Consequently, their faith could only rest in the mercy of the Lord (Luke 17:6-10) – not in themselves. According to Jesus, this understanding was equivalent to great faith.

Why does God demand a faith that is exclusively invested in Him? I think that there are many reasons for this. Anything else would make us arrogant (Eph. 2:8-9; 1 Cor. 1:29). Besides, realizing that he was utterly unworthy of God, David loved Him all the more for His mercy:

·         Praise be to the Lord, for he showed me the wonders of his love when I was in a city under siege. In my alarm I said, “I am cut off from your sight!” Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help. Love the Lord, all his faithful people! The Lord preserves those who are true to him, but the proud he pays back in full. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. (Psalm 31:21-24)

Had David instead exercised flawless faith, he might have convinced himself that God had delivered him because his faith in God had made him worthy of God’s deliverance. Instead, David realized how faithful God had been to him despite his own faithlessness. Rather than loving himself, David exulted in the “wonders of His love.” God allows us to be weak and needy so that we too might so exult.

Our Struggles and How to Deal with them

There are some aches and pains – some heaviness of spirit – that are simply prayer- resistant. No matter how many people we have praying for us or the depth of our own faith, some infirmities will doggedly remain. Why? While sometimes, it is God’s will to deliver us, there are times when this is not part of His will.

For example, take Paul’s “thorn in the flesh.” After Paul had prayed numerous times for God to remove it, God’s answer was “no!” Without this infirmity, Paul would have become insufferably proud to his own detriment, as God’s servant. Instead, this thorn would make him weak so that he would become and remain strong in the Lord (2 Cor. 12:7-11).

On other occasions, God did deliver him from painful trials, but first he had to learn a necessary lesson:

·        We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. (2 Cor. 1:8-9)

There is no secret to getting God to remove the yoke of trials. If anyone claims that there is one, just show him these verses:

·        We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. (2 Cor. 4:10-11)

Trials have been ordained as part of our daily diet – our daily bread. We require them! If we are going to manifest Jesus in our lives, the old self must continually be put to death. No pain, no gain!

Meanwhile, how do we deal these trials? I must admit that I have been struggling lately with numerous afflictions. Perhaps the Lord will remove them, and perhaps He won’t. I continue to pray and have others join with me in prayer, but I also look for the joy to carry me through them. This continually turns me back to the Scriptures. Hebrews informs us of how Jesus appropriated this joy:

·        Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. (Hebrews 12:1-3; NKJV – all others are NIV as usual)

How are we to resist discouragement and the temptation to sin? Hebrews doesn’t say that if we just pray long enough and hard enough, the pains will disappear. Instead, we are to endure by looking to Jesus’ example! He took His eyes off the temporal – the expectation of the Cross – and set them upon the eternal ((2 Cor. 4:16-18). He was able to endure because of the “joy that was set before Him” – His glorious return to the Father.

How are we to do this? I think that our focus must be heavenward. We have to meditate day and night (Psalm 1) on those verses that illuminate our ultimate hope (Phil. 4:8-9).

Jude completes his doom and gloom epistle with an admonition about this hope:

·        To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—(Jude 24)

Despite the apostasy Jude had detailed, he promised that God was not only able to keep us but also to present us “before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy.” Clearly, the promise of “great joy” transcends this world. Instead, we are admonished to look towards the fulfillment of this hope in the next world.

Hebrews informs us that Abraham didn’t live in a palace but in a tent. His hopes were therefore invested in another place:

·        For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. (Hebrews 11:10)

We are “strangers and pilgrims on the earth” (Hebrews 11:13), and our hope is in another world – the very thing that our Lord wants:

·        Instead, they [people of faith] were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. (Hebrews 11:16)

Our hope has to be invested in the Promised Land, and trials will enable us to have this hope:

·        Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. (1 Peter 4:12-13)

Peter reasons that without the “painful trial,” we will not be overjoyed when our Lord is revealed. Instead, we will be too comfortable here and probably tell Him, “Lord, great to see you, but could you just postpone for a couple of months. We have an awards dinner coming up and a trip to the Bahamas. And then there’s the new Chronicles of Narnia movie!”

It’s not easy to envision heaven. However, John assures us that we will be just like Him:

·        Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure. (1 John 3:2-3)

This hope has to be primary for us. It is also transformational. John suggests that, before all else, heaven will be a matter of being with Him and like Him. However, he does not help us to envision what this will look like. However, other verses give us an inkling:

1.      We will be immortal (1 Cor. 15:53-54).

2.      We will be perfect in knowledge (1 Cor. 13:12).

3.      We will shine like the sun (Mat. 13:43).

4.      There will be no tears or curse (Isa. 25:7-8; Rev. 21:4)

5.      We will judge the world (1 Cor. 6:2-3) and minister to the nations (Rev. 22:1-5).

I want my focus to be heavenward. I intend to memorize Revelation 22:1-17 to keep me focused there. However, Hebrews also gives us another hardball admonition about dealing with life’s hardships. It’s one that I need – one that unmasks my self-pity. We mustn’t be tempted to think that our problems are so much greater than those of others:

·        In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." (Proverbs 3:11-12) Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:4-11)

Others have shed blood and have experienced horrible forms of victimization. I haven’t. In comparison, my suffering is minimal. Besides, we must never forget that these afflictions are a sign of God’s love. Hebrews also reminds us that it’s going to be painful. We shouldn’t expect to be able deny the pain away, but there’s a reason for this – spiritual growth.

Our eyes do not tell us everything we’d like to know. Neither does the Bible, but it does tell us what we need to know. It may not be a GPS, but it is a trustworthy roadmap. It may not tell us everything about our sojourn, but it does give us the final chapter, and this hope will win over our thoughts and dreams.

AN ADDITIONAL THOUGHT: Although prayer may not get us everything we want, it can give us what we really need - the peace of God:

• Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philip. 4:6-7)

This is His promise to us! 

A Mustard Seed of Faith is Great Faith

The Smallest measure of faith is adequate. It is even great faith. Jesus’ disciples requested that He increase their struggling faith. Jesus responded that even the smallest measure of faith is great faith – enough to send a tree hurtling into the sea (Luke 17:5-6).

The Biblical evidence for this is actually staggering. God had promised Abraham that he would have a child whose offspring would prove to be a blessing to the entire world. However, although Abraham never rejected his God, he certainly had given up on seeing this promise realized. Instead, He assigned a servant to be his heir instead of the promised son.

God had to set him straight by miraculously renewing His promise to him (Gen. 15), and Abraham believed, but only for a while. In the next chapter, Abraham jumped at Sarah’s suggestion that they raise a surrogate child through the womb of their servant woman, Hagar. Once again, Abraham had despaired of the promise of God.

Even after God had appeared to Abraham (Gen. 18) and promised that he’d have his promised child next year, Abraham was once again unfaithful. He allowed another man to defile Sarah’s womb. It was only by God’s intervention, and not by Abraham’s faith or courage, that Sarah was rescued (Gen. 20). More amazingly, God informed Abimelech - the one who took Abraham’s wife - that the unfaithful Abraham would have to pray for his healing.

God is faithful even when we are unfaithful (2 Tim. 2:12-13). In Hebrews 11, the “Hall of Fame” of mustard-seed-sized faith, we find many examples of this same thing. This chapter commemorates Sarah believing the God would provide her with a child, even though this was no longer naturally possible (Heb. 11:11). However, in the original account, Sarah laughed in disbelief and then lied to the Lord (Gen. 18:15). Perhaps she did have faith, but it must have been the smallest bit of faith.

Sarah is no anomaly. Moses faith was also lauded as he fled Egypt (Heb. 11:27). However, the original account shows us that Moses “feared” (Exodus 2:14-15). Finally, when God encountered Moses after His 40 years in the wilderness and directed him to return to Egypt to free His people, the Israelites, Moses baulked. He was now a broken man, reluctant to follow God anymore (Exodus 3-4). However, Moses’ faithlessness would not impede God’s plan for His life.

My favorite example of exemplary faith is the Israelites:

• By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned. (Hebrews 11:29)

However, just prior to this, Israel was rebelling against Moses and their God, complaining that it was never their idea to leave Egypt (Exodus 14:11-12) – not the best example of faith. However, their God did find faith in them. After all, they did pass through the sea.

We always fall short of God’s standards. Peter certainly did. Jesus had warned that He would deny any who denied Him. Peter had been warned that he would deny Jesus three times, but he didn’t believe Him. He did the very thing that he had been warned not to do. However, this didn’t foil God’s plan for Peter to “Feed My sheep.” Instead, this humbling experience enabled Peter to serve his Master even better.

It is in brokenness that we do our most faithful service:

• Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ…who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

If we desire to feed His sheep, we must first be feed with the comforts and assurances of our Savior. We must become humbled and broken before we are willing to receive from the Lord. If life is a matter of abiding in His Word, then our Savior must humble us in order to make room for that Word of assurance:

• He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. (Deut. 8:3)

This means that we are going to struggle; our faith will be stretched to the point that we feel it has utterly disappeared. I used to reassure myself that I would never let my faith slip away. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I had placed my hope in myself – the very thing that our Lord doesn’t want us to do. I had to learn a painful lesson , that I couldn’t even keep my own faith. Mercifully, He brought me through the “valley of the shadow of death” to teach me this humbling but essential lesson. My Savior would have to be the One who would bear the weight of my messy life. I thought that I could stand, but He taught me that once we think that we are able and sufficient, we are ready for a fall (1 Cor. 10:12-13; 2 Cor. 3:5; John 15:4-5).

Any measure of faith is a saving faith. Even the weakest faith, the most faithless faith, cries out to Him and finds His strength in the midst of its weakness (2 Cor. 12:9-10). It doesn’t matter that our faith lacks passion or even confidence. Instead, in the hands of our Lord, it is the raw material of His Kingdom:

• Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. (Isaiah 64:8)

Jesus was able to multiply the smallest scraps of food to feed thousands. Likewise, He glorifies Himself through our flimsiest faith offering.

Self-Esteem, Rubbish, and Road-Rage

I am a man of many weaknesses and failings, but I’ve learned to boast of them. Nevertheless, I’d love to be rid of them, but at the same time, I know that they are my faithful tutors (Gal. 3:22-24).

As an anxious, irritable, impatient, and angry male, I hate to drive in a car. Every yellow light becomes a personal challenge; every red light becomes a personal rebuke. Needless to say, I receive many “rebukes” in the course of a trip, and my response differs little from road-rage. When the traffic is backed up in front of me, every car is a mortal enemy.

I am a Bible teacher, and my reactions are a great embarrassment to me. I have been on the phone, while surrounded by such “enemies.” My reaction has often caused me to forget that I had been talking on the phone, as I lapsed into profanity. How humbling!

I wish I could say that I am making great strides against my sins. However, my humiliation is compounded as I pray to the One who can deliver me. Even with Him on the “phone,” within seconds, I lapse, convinced that I am the world’s greatest spiritual failure. I cannot “keep watch” for a minute.

Consequently, Paul’s prayer has become very real to me:

·        What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. (Romans 7:24-25)

How true! In my sinful nature (“flesh;” NASB) I am a slave to sin, while Jesus is my only hope. But isn’t there deliverance in Jesus? Wasn’t it Jesus who promised deliverance?

·        To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32)

However, He also said:

·        “No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:4-5)

Okay, I get the point. I know that it’s all about Jesus, and He has His own timing. But where’s my deliverance? I am tormented by my sins and failings. However, Paul was also tormented by a “messenger of Satan,” even after he walked faithfully with his Lord for many years. However, he came to understand that this torment was necessary to keep him humble:

·        To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 12:7-10)

I too have learned to delight in my weaknesses, convinced that I need these horrid afflictions. I even counteract the shame with transparency, boasting that He has created great strength through them. King David confessed:

·        Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees…It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. (Psalm 119:67-71)

If David needed to learn through His afflictions, perhaps we also must be afflicted. Indeed, my Lord has taught me so much through my afflictions that I am now grateful. He has opened my eyes to the great threat of self-contentment, self-trust, and self-righteousness – the things that happen to us when our Lord allows us to go our own way. He has also shown me how destructive this threesome is to the life of the church. In His wisdom, He has placed us under His law to reveal to us our moral failures and our need for Him:

·        Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. [20] Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. (Romans 3:19-20)

We so desperately need to become “conscious of [our] sin.” Without this, it is inevitable that we will look down on others and exalt ourselves.  However, even worse, we will take our Lord and His glorious gift of righteousness for granted.

Exalting self and its complement - diminishing God - are our human default position. It’s what comes most naturally! If this is the case, we require constant reminders of our need and brokenness.

This is why I exult in my neediness. I flaunt it in front of others – whatever it takes to exalt my God, my chief delight and passion. I also think that this helps others to accept their own spiritual failures. However, this is a passion that couldn’t be, as long as I remained passionate about myself. Paul also learned to disdain self-passion:

·        But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. (Philip. 3:7-9)

Paul didn’t dismiss his education and his zeal for the Law. Instead, he was dismissive of any self-trust regarding these! A fruitful relationship with our Savior and a fervent embrace of His righteousness depends upon realizing that we are entirely lacking of any righteousness of our own, earned with our good deeds. Therefore, whenever this self-aggrandizing temptation arises, we must be quick to expose it for what it truly is – “rubbish.”

I pray that my Lord will deliver me from my afflictions. However, I know Him and therefore know that if He leaves me with them, He has a good purpose for this.