BEING TRUE TO OURSELVES

We continually obsess over the question, “Who am I, and how should I live?” Should we define and regard ourselves according to the standards of society? We feel oppressed at such an idea that we are who society thinks we are. Nevertheless, we feel compelled to live up to its standards so that we can feel accepted and valued. Meanwhile, we hate the fact that we are compelled to win the respect of others by conforming and proving ourselves worthy by our achievements and social approval.

Therefore, we ask, “Is there a source or a criterion by which we can settle the who-am-I question, apart from a slavish conformity to the standards of society?” But do we really want an honest answer, or instead, a feel-good answer? The fact that we continue to ask this question might even serve as evidence that we really don’t want the truth, perhaps because it is simply too painful to face. Had we really wanted the truth, perhaps we would have found it by now, like other self-truths – do I like eating mushrooms or writing poetry?

However, our psychological needs are so demanding that they drown out everything else that might come in our way, even the truth. King Herod had been an astute politician, but so too were the ambassadors who were sent to him from Tyre and Sidon to buy grain for their hungry cities. As the king made them first sit through his self-glorifying oration, they knew exactly what to tell the king: “The voice of a god, and not of a man!” (Acts 12:22). All the parties were aware that these words were intended to manipulate the king and but knew that these words would also delight him.

Pathetic? Yes! Human? Very much so? Even if a message is unbelievable, we embrace it because of the feelings it gives us. One woman had written on her Facebook Timeline: ““I DON‘T BELIEVE IN ANYTHING !!!”

She thought that this belief would free her to be her authentic self. She had also written, “I don’t believe in the existence of a ‘must,’” meaning any moral requirement that might constrain or judge her. However, contrary to her hope, this rejection or our moral nature doesn’t make us free, but instead a slave to our now unchecked desires, fears, angers, and eventually hopelessness.

I think it is a mistake to think that transparency and living consistently with the “real” me is a matter of acting-out our unrestrained feelings. Instead, I think that this awareness should force us to re-visit the question, “Is there a real me, or just an infantile me, another manifestation of my demanding ego?

Who then is the real me, and how do I know that I have discovered this elusive person? This is an important set of questions. The answers are necessary for our well-being. Why? Whatever we manage well, we must understand well, whether it’s a matter of taking care of our car, clothing, or even ourselves. Therefore, self-knowledge is of critical importance, whether it’s in regards to our common humanity or our distinctions.

This question is also intimately connected to the meaning of life. The late novelist, Norman Mailer, had confessed:

·       “We are healthier if we think there is some importance in what we’re doing…When it seems like my life is meaningless, I feel closer to despair.”

It seems that Mailer had realized that he could not merely create his own meaning and self-definition. Instead, it has to be discovered within the fabric of objective reality, within the context of the “must” of our moral nature. Can we learn from our nature, and what does it tell us?

According to sociologist David Karp, Secularism slams the door on any meaning that transcends the material realm of performance and the evolving standards of society:

·       “Cosmopolitan medicine banishes that knowledge [of meaning] by insisting that suffering is without meaning and unnecessary… [Suffering is] secularized as mechanical mishaps, and so stripped of their stories, the spiritual ramifications and missing pieces of history that make meaning." (Speaking of Sadness, pg. 191)

Secularism declares a resounding “no” to the existence of any hope beyond this material world. Instead, it is constrained to limit its focus to our achievements. Without a transcendent meaning and hope to define us, we shrivel and die in the face of suffering. If we carefully observe a mother with her child, this meaning is imprinted upon her soul and transcends any concern for her own preservation. The late psychiatrist Victor Frankl observed, during his internment in a National Socialist death camp, that: “The prisoner who had lost faith in the future…was doomed.”

While we are living in the death camp, escape and survival seem like reasonable hopes. However, once we do escape, we find ourselves in the “death camp” of a temporary life. It might offer its temporary joys, but they become increasingly difficult to enjoy as annihilation knocks more fervently at our door.

Meanwhile, we become nauseated of our slavish tactics to fulfill our psychological needs to achieve and to impress others. What had once promised freedom has become our holding-cell as we await death’s inevitable arrival.

Is there a true self, which will shed light on a true hope and a purpose for our lives? This is a question about truth rather than a subjective grasping at the wind. It is a matter of discovery and not of an arbitrary and transient creation of our personal truth. It’s a matter of confronting and accepting ourselves as we are, however painful this might be. It is also a matter of mourning over our dark-side and our brokenness and wanting to find absolution. This is what it means to be truly human.

How do we know that we are really in touch with ourselves? Jesus taught that the blessedness of humanity has to start with the painful awareness of our moral and existential neediness:

·       “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn [over their sin], for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” (Matthew 5:3-6)

Jesus taught that when we can acknowledge our moral poverty, to mourn over it, and to hunger for what our soul truly craves – righteousness – we are at the doorway of the answer to our questions. We are to be defined by our Creator and Redeemer, the One who has proved His love and forgiveness by dying in place of what our sins deserve. Once we grasp this, our greatest joy and satisfaction is to live for Him.