Tuesday, October 4, 2011

One More Christian Café Neutralized: A Satire

(Photo: David Singer)

My Dear Wormbottom,

I’m sorry to again write you so soon, but I’m sure that you will be delighted over this latest development:

• Police in Blackpool, England threatened a Christian café owner with arrest last weekend - for displaying the "Watchword Bible" on a TV screen in the back of his restaurant. Jamie Murray was warned by two police officers to stop playing DVDs of the New Testament in his café following a complaint from a customer that it was inciting hatred against homosexuals. Murray, owner of the Salt & Light Coffee House on Layton Road, was told that displaying "offensive" or "insulting" words was a violation of Section 5 of the Public Order Act. The officers warned Murray that if he didn't stop, he could be prosecuted.

If this stands against Murray’s challenge in court, do you have any idea what this will mean? It means that our bigoted enemy will fear to give any public indications of their religion, lest our people charge that it is “offensive.” This means no more of their ugly tracts, no more Christmas hymns or nativity scenes, and no more public Christmas programs. We’re corking up their churches so tightly, that before long, we won’t even be able to hear a church bell.

Of course, I find everything about their religion offensive – and someday we hope to make this case – but for now we restrict ourselves to only making those charges that constitute a direct offence, like pointing to certain “homophobic” verses. However, I look forward to the day when we can charge that their “Holy Bible” is bigoted and offensive in its entirety. For now such an attack would considered a violation of the 1st Amendment. But recall that at one time, God-discourse found its way into the schools at all levels. Not anymore! With the help of our dear secularist cohorts, we’ve even been able to convince many Christians that talking about God is a violation of the separation between the church and state. And when they mention their detestable faith in public, they now do it with a sense of shame that they have violated the sensitivities of others. Consequently, they look no more alive than cadavers as they present their arrogant “good news.” In fact, in many churches, it is now frowned upon to talk about their faith to outsiders. They have concluded that it’s utterly unsophisticated and makes them look like fundamentalists. Instead, they now give out cups of water, which read at the bottom of the cup, “Jesus loves you!” How pathetic and ridiculous! We’ve got them running for cover!

Everyone knows that we’ve been able to remove prayer from school. However, many still don’t realize that we’ve been able to shut down God-talk. We pulled-the-plug on one valedictorian as she was in the middle of thanking Jesus for her academic accomplishments. You should have seen her face! However, I agree with you that the heavy-handed approach might not be the best tactic. The student body had perceived that this was little more than censorship, and they applauded her – the very last thing that we want.

Don’t you find it laughable that the bigots haven’t succeeded in making the case that they are equally offended by us and our friends at the media? Not that they really are our friends, but at least they do our bidding as long as they fear us. The same goes for the politicians. As long as they fear that we can upset their chances for re-election, we’ve got them where it counts. I therefore think it’s imperative that we never slack in the judicial use of intimidation. This doesn’t mean that we have to intimidate everyone who disagrees with us, but our “friends” need to know that the threat is always present.

Don’t you just love to see how “might makes right!” After all, what else is there?

Your Devoted, Shelkron

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