THE LIES HIDING BEHIND UNFORGIVENESS

 

Forgiveness is at the heart of the Gospel. A saving relationship with God requires His forgiveness. Consequently, when we refuse to forgive, we deny the heart of the Gospel and the extent of our sins that had required our Savior’s death. When we refuse to forgive, we are in denial about both the gravity of our sins and our ongoing need for forgiveness. We are claiming that we are worthy and others are not, a betrayal of the Gospel. Therefore, our Lord warned:

• “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15 NIV; Matthew 18:21-35)

I am finding that sin cloths itself in garments of righteousness and deceives us to our great detriment, even to the hurt of our closest relationships. I become overly critical of my wife because of her weaknesses and what I perceive to be relational failures.

I’m talking about little stuff like asking me the same question over and over again. I become irritable, impatient, and critical. A pattern of irritation is created and I think to myself:

• She never changes. She always ignores what I say and continues in her usual manner.

I get frustrated and bitterness follows frustration, creating a costly distance between us. Unforgiveness is also hidden in clutches of bitterness. It says:

• I am tired of this nonsense. No matter what I do, she refuses to change.

I willingly forget that there are many trying areas of my life that she accepts and forgives. Yet, in my sinful fleshly mind, she is less forgivable than I. I therefore overlook my need to be gentle and compassionate with her. This attitude represents the stench of self-righteousness. In light of this, I should be telling myself:

• How blessed I am for having such a forgiving and accommodating wife. If God has forgiven me my offenses, I am obliged to forgive her for her ways that I find irritating.

Instead of thinking that we are entitled to be embittered, it’s about humility - the daily confession of our many faults, moral failures, and our self-righteousness, which places us above others and prevents us from seeing our true condition and the enormity of God’s grace to each of us. It’s about judging ourselves before we can consider judging others (Matthew 7:1-5; 1 Corinthians 11:30-32).

Love, expressed through God’s forgiveness and our forgiveness of others, covers a multitude of sins, irritations, and disappointments. It also enables us to be at peace with others.