I’m not the greatest guy in the world. In fact, I’m not easy
to live with. I’m highly irritable, impatient, anxious, and critical. In short,
I am a “handful.” This is why I have always found teaching the course on Marriage to be most intimidating for me.
On top of this, I haven’t been very successful in changing
these traits, even though I pray regularly for the Lord to do something with
me. Of course, all of this is very humbling. Nevertheless, I have grown in my
confidence in the Lord and His love for me. Consequently, I no longer regard my
failures as an indication that the Lord is getting sick of me. Instead, I have
become convinced that the Lord is working His perfect plan out in my life.
You might ask, “How can this be, since you are still
struggling against these same character traits?” Well, the Lord has assured me
that:
·
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is
made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my
weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of
Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions,
and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
That is why I am now boasting of my weaknesses in
confidence. I know that He has accomplished much through my weaknesses and I
know that He will continue to, as Paul had written:
·
…we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength
that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the
sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who
raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver
us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. (2 Corinthians
1:8-10)
One reason that I face failure over and over again is
because I need it. It humbles me and causes me to despair of self-trust and to
flee to God alone. Consequently, I’ve come to adore my Savior even more.
This humbling process has produced many benefits. Along with
trusting in God, it has made me more grateful for prayer, the blessed opportunity
to offer up my many personal misgivings and fears to our Lord.
It has also caused me to adore my wife more than I had.
Before, my irritability and negativity was in charge of our relationship. Besides,
my self-esteem had been jacked-up to compensate for my bad feelings about
myself. I had convinced myself that I was a king. As long as I regarded my wife
as a queen, there was no problem. However, by the end of our honeymoon, I
realized that she wasn’t a queen, and I began to feel cheated.
Mercifully, the Lord has shown me what I really am, and it’s
not pretty. As a result, I am now grateful for my wife – a woman who is always
there to help and to forgive me. Instead of thinking, “How could I ever have
ended up with such an irritating woman,” I now think, “What would I ever do
without her?”
As I came to accept myself, through the love of God, as I
really am, He has enabled me to accept the failings of others. Consequently, I
can no longer look down on anyone. Instead, He has been opening my eyes to the
beauty of my brethren and His Church.
I don’t enjoy my weaknesses and infirmities, but I have
begun to see them as King David had:
·
It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I
might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands
of gold and silver pieces. (Psalm 119:71-72)
To Christ be the glory!
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