WHEN TWO HIGHLY IMPERFECT PEOPLE GET TOGETHER

 

 

 

Marriage is called a “conflict making machine,” and for good reason. Anita likes the blinds down; I like them up. She likes the windows open wide; I like them closed. But I’m not even talking about these kinds of conflicts, through which we’ve been able to find workable compromises.

instead, I’m referring to the deep-seated conflicts, the things that we struggle to change about ourselves, but, as hard as we might try to change, we find that we cannot. I am impatient, intolerant of frustration, angry, and negative.

 

I am still waiting for the Gospel to penetrate these strongholds. Meanwhile, the problem with my impatience has been so persistent that Anita feels that I am rushing her even when I haven’t said anything to her. In these areas, we react even before there has been any direct provocation, but just a long history.

 

These problems require patience and a willingness to endure frustration, repeated failures, painful self-examination, and humbling. Sadly, our first reaction is fleshly and blames the other person. It might be a human reaction, but it doesn’t make it any more acceptable:

·       Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart. To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice. (Proverbs 21:2–3 (ESV)

 

Our problem is that we are blind and choose the blindness of anger and self-righteousness to the gentle and humble truths of God (John 3:19-20; Luke 16:15) that make for peace (James 3:13-16). What’s the answer? The Bible instructs us to humble ourselves:

 

·       …Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:5–8)

 

Who is ripe for the devil’s deceptions? The proud who refuse to examine themselves and place the truths of God and the awareness of their own guilt before all else. Therefore, we are taught to “Be sober-minded; be watchful.”

 

Watchful of what? Desiring our self-righteous anger instead of peace and truth! Blaming the other person rather than starting with ourselves! Therefore, I must remind myself of my own guilt and how I fail as a husband:

 

·       Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. (Ephesians 5:25–30)

 

These verses never fail to humble me, as they should. They transform my anger into melted ice and turn my heart towards my dear wife. (She too must also bear her responsibilities, but I must deal with myself before my Lord. But once I do so, she reciprocates.) To reinforce what the Lord shows me through His Word, I write about it. This process leaves me broken, but it also gives the Lord opportunity to work:

·       When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:17–19)

 

God lifts those who humble themselves (Luke 14:11; 18:14; Matthew 23:12). It is not easy to be “crushed in spirit,” but our Lord promises to exalt us in our brokenness:

 

·       “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.” (Matthew 5:3–7)

 

Without His ministry to us, our daily bread, we could not endure our mourning and poverty of spirit. I know I cannot.