WHY DO WE PUNISH OURSELVES?

Why do we punish ourselves? We do this in many different ways. As the Black Death of the plague stalked 14th century Europe, a sect arose know as the "flagulents." They were convinced that God was punishing Europe for their sins. Therefore, rather than paying with their lives through the plague, they beat one another with whips, drawing blood, convinced that this s would make them righteous before God.

However, self-atonement is often disguised and unrecognized. We punish ourselves in many ways, either by depriving ourselves of pleasure or by hurting ourselves. We also try to compensate for our prevailing sense that something is wrong with us by doing good.

I would deprive myself of various pleasures, but why? I didn't feel deserving of them. Perhaps, if I aced an important exam, I'd feel entitled to buy myself an ice cream. 

There is evidence that when we hurt ourselves, we then feel entitled to enjoy sex or any other commodity of which we didn't usually feel entitled to enjoy. To indulge without first paying the price through good deeds or some form of depravation would increase stress and ruin our expected pleasure. 

From where did this script or contract arise. It started with Adam and Eve. They did not merely disobey the Word of God. They sought to replace God's gift of righteousness with their own fig leaves that would never be able to cover the sin of their rebellion. Whenever we reject His gift of righteousness, we are coerced by our God-given nature to replace it with our own feeble attempts to prove our worthiness.

This is part of our psychological inheritance. We need to feel that we are righteous. This also takes the form of needing to feel that we are worthy, significant, and valued. It is what we were designed to receive when we are in relationship with our Lord. We do not need to rely on fig leaves, PHDs, accomplishments, power, or prestige. We only need to confess our sins and trust in our Lord. We don't need to harm or exalt ourselves but only to receive His forgiveness.

Exemplars of the blinding power of sin, Adam and Eve refused to confess their sin and repent. Instead, they chose to hide from God, told half-truths when probed by their Maker, and blame-shifted. Even after God pronounced the penalties - death and being cast out of the garden - they failed to utter a word of protest or a plea for mercy. Although they would no longer enjoy their intimate with their Creator, they seemed more eager to escape His scrutiny. They had become lovers of the darkness:

• “And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.” (John 3:19-20; ESV)

The first couple refused to come to the light. They preferred to deal with their shame in their own way with fig leaves. 

Without confession and God's forgiveness and restoration, we are doomed to find a righteousness substitute. Israel had tried to establish their own righteousness but their attempts were doomed to fail:

• Israel who pursued a law that would lead to righteousness did not succeed in reaching that law. Why? Because they did not pursue it by faith, but as if it were based on works. They have stumbled over the stumbling stone [Jesus]...For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. (Romans 9:31-32; 10:3)

What's so wrong about trying to attain righteousness through doing good? For one thing, we cannot achieve righteousness before God. At our best, our righteous endeavors are filthy rags - a selfish quest to lift ourselves above others and to merit or earn the love and forgiveness of God. Instead, spiritual cleansing can only be attained through the free gift of God through Jesus.

For another thing, to trust in our own righteous endeavors is to reject the righteousness of Christ, which He made available for us by dying for our sins.

We should know better than to trust in our fig leaf coverings. If we are honest with ourselves, we should perceive that there is something radically wrong within and, apart from the mercy of our Savior, no amount of good deeds can ever answer our accusing voices.