Why do we punish ourselves? We do this in many different
ways. As the Black Death of the plague stalked 14th century Europe, a sect
arose know as the "flagulents." They were convinced that God was
punishing Europe for their sins. Therefore, rather than paying with their lives
through the plague, they beat one another with whips, drawing blood, convinced
that this s would make them righteous before God.
However, self-atonement is often disguised and unrecognized.
We punish ourselves in many ways, either by depriving ourselves of pleasure or
by hurting ourselves. We also try to compensate for our prevailing sense that
something is wrong with us by doing good.
I would deprive myself of various pleasures, but why? I
didn't feel deserving of them. Perhaps, if I aced an important exam, I'd feel
entitled to buy myself an ice cream.
There is evidence that when we hurt ourselves, we then feel
entitled to enjoy sex or any other commodity of which we didn't usually feel
entitled to enjoy. To indulge without first paying the price through good deeds
or some form of depravation would increase stress and ruin our expected
pleasure.
From where did this script or contract arise. It started
with Adam and Eve. They did not merely disobey the Word of God. They sought to
replace God's gift of righteousness with their own fig leaves that would never
be able to cover the sin of their rebellion. Whenever we reject His gift of
righteousness, we are coerced by our God-given nature to replace it with our
own feeble attempts to prove our worthiness.
This is part of our psychological inheritance. We need to
feel that we are righteous. This also takes the form of needing to feel that we
are worthy, significant, and valued. It is what we were designed to receive
when we are in relationship with our Lord. We do not need to rely on fig
leaves, PHDs, accomplishments, power, or prestige. We only need to confess our
sins and trust in our Lord. We don't need to harm or exalt ourselves but only
to receive His forgiveness.
Exemplars of the blinding power of sin, Adam and Eve refused
to confess their sin and repent. Instead, they chose to hide from God, told
half-truths when probed by their Maker, and blame-shifted. Even after God
pronounced the penalties - death and being cast out of the garden - they failed
to utter a word of protest or a plea for mercy. Although they would no longer
enjoy their intimate with their Creator, they seemed more eager to escape His
scrutiny. They had become lovers of the darkness:
- “And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.” (John 3:19-20; ESV)
The first couple refused to come to the light. They
preferred to deal with their shame in their own way with fig leaves.
Without confession and God's forgiveness and restoration, we
are doomed to find a righteousness substitute. Israel had tried to establish
their own righteousness but their attempts were doomed to fail:
- Israel who pursued a law that would lead to righteousness did not succeed in reaching that law. Why? Because they did not pursue it by faith, but as if it were based on works. They have stumbled over the stumbling stone [Jesus]...For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. (Romans 9:31-32; 10:3)
What's so wrong about trying to attain righteousness through
doing good? For one thing, we cannot achieve righteousness before God. At our
best, our righteous endeavors are filthy rags - a selfish quest to lift
ourselves above others and to merit or earn the love and forgiveness of God.
Instead, spiritual cleansing can only be attained through the free gift of God
through Jesus.
For another thing, to trust in our own righteous endeavors
is to reject the righteousness of Christ, which He made available for us by
dying for our sins.
We should know better than to trust in our fig leaf
coverings. If we are honest with ourselves, we should perceive that there is
something radically wrong within and, apart from the mercy of our Savior, no
amount of good deeds can ever answer our accusing voices.
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