Arthur C. Brooks, a contributing writer at the New York
Times, warns about the growth of narcissism and its destructive effects:
- A 2010 study in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that the percentage of college students exhibiting narcissistic personality traits, based on their scores on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, a widely used diagnostic test, has increased by more than half since the early 1980s, to 30 percent.
Well, isn't self-love a good thing? Not necessarily! Brooks
warns:
- This is a costly problem. While full-blown narcissists often report high levels of personal satisfaction, they create havoc and misery around them. There is overwhelming evidence linking narcissism with lower honesty and raised aggression. It’s notable for Valentine’s Day that narcissists struggle to stay committed to romantic partners, in no small part because they consider themselves superior.
What is Brook's solutions?
- Ask, “Is this the person I want to be." Second, get rid of the emotional junk food that is feeding any unhealthy self-obsession. Make a list of opinions to disregard — especially those of flatterers and critics — and review the list each day. Resolve not to waste a moment trying to impress others, but rather to treat them (and yourself) with kindness, whether it is earned or not.
While these are good suggestions, I don't think that they
will work. We simply enjoy our egotism too much, and we will cling to this drug
tenaciously. Besides, it is just too difficult and foreign to our narcissistic
addiction to see ourselves as we truly are. In fact, it might be the most
difficult thing in the world.
Why does our narcissistic tendency continue to escalate?
Aren't we supposed to be ultimately self-absorbed? Isn't life supposed to be
primarily about advancing ourselves? This tends to place an unbearable burden
on us - worry and self-absorption.
Perhaps instead, we are designed for relatedness to be
other-centered to be focused, above all else, on advancing God's agenda. Jesus
argued that the narcissistic agenda would kill, while the God-centered agenda
was its very antidote:
- “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:28-33)
5 comments:
I believe that narcissism is an increasingly common dysfunctional coping mechanism. In our modern society, "success" is harder to come by, as defined by providing a family with shelter, food, clothing and basic needs. Young people look forward to an increasingly competitive environment, and no one teaches and encourages them to believe that success only requires living an honest life, working hard, being kind and charitable and honoring Gods word. Not unlike Maslow's hierarchy of need, when one is preoccupied with meeting basic physiological and safety needs, the higher, more spiritual needs cannot be fully addressed or nurtured, or realized.
People look around them for examples of how to live a successful life, and what they see and too often emulate, is largely narcissistic. There is little support, reward, or encouragement, even in schools for the fundamental values that contribute to real, long lasting success in life, of the kind that many of us recognize.
When looking for a partner, people seem to assume the candidates possess these fundamental values, but they too often look for the outward trappings of success, which I'd sum up by "wealth". But monetary wealth guarantees nothing about a persons values. Thus the increase in divorce, the breakdown of the family, and children who learn that they have to look out for themselves.
Narcissism is considered a personality disorder. The fact that we are seeing an increase in narcissism is, I believe, a direct result of a society that requires and demands....and encourages self interest above all else.
Joyce, Thanks for your response. I agree. We are taught to love, forgive, and to believe in ourselves. Of course, this requires us to deny our negatives and accentuate our positives--a denial of who we are--the opposite of self-acceptance.
Amen
A Narcissist is someone who does not treat people as people but as mirrors. He is ultimately an addict - addicted to grooming others to be a superficial reflection of some grandiose image of himself.
He has had, taken or been given little time to cultivate his God given soul and so is a facade of a person - an image of a person.
He comes on quickly in a relationship to wine and dine and impress. However this impression is only skin deep. Any length of committed time with narcissist exposes this lack of character. This triggers phase 2 of the relationship: "gaslighting". The best analogy for this is the firefighter that sets the fire and then comes to the rescue to put out the fire he himself set.
There are several passages in Scripture that depict this type of sinful disorder.
The biggest "personality disorder" however is the one we all have ...our "sin-nature". We all are addicted to it. Fortunately it's wage is the divine installment plan of death. But Jesus is the great Interventionist! If we finally weary of our self destructive natures and hear the voice of the Shepherd calling us ...we can repent. Our only hope of Good News and salvation is Jesus Christ! He is the Light of the world. In Him we can learn to live and move and have our being.
I agree but will also add--that to some degree, we are all narcissists.
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