What we believe is important. It affects everything - how we
feel about ourselves and how we treat others.
When I had an inflated self-esteem—and that’s known as pride
and arrogance—I built myself up by looking down on others. It should be no
surprise that this negatively impacted my relationships, especially with my
wife. Since we both were convinced that we were always right, we were never
able to resolve any of our conflicts.
In retrospect, I was able to see that my inflated beliefs
about myself had also negatively impacted my beliefs about my Savior. Somehow,
I had convinced myself that, because I was more spiritual than others, I was
entitled to God’s mercy rather than receiving it as a free gift.
Bad mistake! As I later learned, Jesus would first have to
humble me before He would lift me up:
·
“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and
whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:12)
Through the Scriptures, I was beginning to learn that narcissism
is a universal problem:
·
Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but
the Lord weighs the heart.” (Proverbs 21:2)
Many of Jesus’ parables taught about the dangers of regarding
ourselves as worthy, at least more worthy and entitled to the blessings of God than
were others. A vineyard owner went to town to hire day-laborers looking for
work. They agreed to work the day for a denarius. Later in the day, the owner
went out again and again to hire more harvesters. At the end of the day, he paid
each a denarius for his labors. However, those who had worked the entire day
were miffed:
·
Now when those hired first came, they thought
they would receive more, but each of them also received a denarius. And on
receiving it they grumbled at the master of the house, saying, ‘These last
worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the
burden of the day and the scorching heat.’ But he [the owner] replied to one of
them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a
denarius? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker
as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me?
Or do you begrudge my generosity?’ So the last will be first, and the first
last.” (Matthew 20:10–16)
It wasn’t that those who came first would be last—they had all
received the same wage. Instead, it is more likely that they believed
that because they came first, they were more entitled. However, their sense
of entitlement worked against them. Because they begrudged the Master’s mercy,
they rejected this generous Master, convinced that they were more deserving
than the others. Therefore, they became the “last.”
In so many ways, Jesus warned us against our narcissistic
entitlement mentality:
·
“So you also, when you have done all that you
were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our
duty.’” (Luke 17:10)
Jesus also unmasked the esteemed Scribes and Pharisees.
Narcissism and self-promotion were not to be models for His followers:
·
“They do all their deeds to be seen by others.
For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love
the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings
in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others.” (Matthew 23:5–7)
Instead of honor, I first had to endure a long a painful
humbling process, which would convince me of my unworthiness and my humble
situation:
·
“The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever
exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew
23:11–12)
As long as I sought honor, I found disgrace. I always had to
be right and couldn’t accept being wrong. Consequently, my first wife and I
could never resolve our problems. Finally, she left me for another. Nor could I
hold a job for more than a year.
After being stripped down and exposed, I realized that I
wasn’t worthy of anything better from God than destruction (Romans 6:23).
Instead, I learned that my only hope was in His mercy. I had become like the
harvester who had been hired at the end of the day but had received the wage of
a full day’s work. Undoubtedly, he was grateful for what he had received.
Similarly, the belief in my unworthiness has paid many
dividends:
·
Gratefulness for my God who loved me even when I
was His enemy (Romans 5:8-10).
·
Gratefulness for my second wife of 32 years, not
because she is perfect, but because I am highly imperfect, and yet she is
grateful to have me.
·
Self-acceptance based upon God’s love and
acceptance of me. Lacking this assurance, many practice elevating their
self-esteem and trying to learn how to love themselves. However, this is a drug
that requires increasingly high doses.
·
Freedom from having to prove myself. This has
enabled me to accurately regard myself, to appreciate the good in others, and
to praise it. I can now be more other-centered.
Our beliefs matter profoundly!
No comments:
Post a Comment