POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS AND LOVE

I continue to wrestle with the question, “What is love?” This question is in the air and even in the pew. In many churches, love is a matter of affirming all, no matter who they are and how they behave. Some churches, unencumbered by considerations of truth or theology, present a winsome product. They embrace and affirm all with smiles and words of encouragement, and it seems to be reciprocated, at least in the context of their church service. Does touchy-feely love conquer all, I wondered?

This question makes me think of all of the Bible’s teachings about the messy stuff of rebuke, accountability, and even excommunication as a last resort. Even Jesus, the exemplar of love, laid out a procedure for correcting a brother in error:

·       “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” (Matthew 18:15-17)

In Jesus’ culture, Gentiles and tax collectors were avoided. However, am I personally to avoid others? Wouldn’t that make me a spiritual vigilante? Although a unified stance by an entire church would be optimal, it also seems that, on an individual basis, we too must stay away from unrepentant sinners after we have warned them:

·       As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him. (Titus 3:10; also 2 John 10)

·       For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. (2 Timothy 3:2-5)

However, this doesn’t sound very loving, but Paul explained that ultimately, it is loving. Paul had excommunicated two in hope that they would repent:

·       …among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme. (1 Timothy 1:20)

He also explained his loving reason for the church to excommunicate an unrepentant adulterer:

·       …you are to deliver this man to Satan [probably another way of expressing excommunication] for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 5:5)

In light of this, correcting the unrepentant is more merciful than affirming them. This is also the wisdom of the Hebrew Scriptures:

·       Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. (Proverbs 28:23)

However, I must admit that what I sometimes see in affirming churches is attractive. At one such church, I asked the young attendees why they kept them coming back. They claimed that it was all about the fellowship. They felt affirmed.

I could understand that. I too like being affirmed. Who doesn’t! However, at what price? Have positive affirmations become our drug of choice or perhaps even a manipulative tool, a form of flattery? I began to wonder why they didn’t find the incredible Bible affirmations enough – that they were now partakers of the divine nature, beloved so much by God that He died for us when we were sinners. We have even become servants of the Most High. What an honor!

Why are human affirmations more esteemed than those of God? Are men to be more trusted? I guess I was blessed. Having experienced decades of depression followed by panic attacks, the approval of my five psychologists began to wear thin, very thin. It couldn’t touch the place of my pain. Only the sharpened scalpel of God’s Word could.

What then is love? It is a matter of directing others to the same hope that I have found. Sometimes, it requires an embrace, but it also might require rebuke and correction. If it might lead to a deeper and more confident walk with Jesus, then I have loved.